Live, corona and everything, part IV

At some point, we had simply overdone it. How we had gotten there was not entirely clear to me.

There were various partial aspects. One was that I was exhausted. In the second half of the year, it was just too crowded. In the anxiety about cash flow, I had brought in way too much work. There were also real under-recoveries from the first half of the year that had to be made up.

Furthermore, in the context of the Corona lockdown, the SM parties were missing. And so we went to many events. But somehow we did this like restless vampires, who feed on animal blood, can’t get enough and jump on the next animal. We needed parties where I could tie my lady to the ceiling and let people use her. What we had were nice weekends in pools of scene folks, bondage workshops (with safety distance, air filters, etc.) and other stuff. Lots of that.

I performed at work, performed to the kids, performed to my lady. But it became a lot. In the bondage workshops, I lost my nerve some of the time. I was asked to continue tying up my lady. But I didn’t want to do that at all. I also could have had tea after a couple of hours of workshops. Not exactly what the workshop leader was aiming for.

And things like that dragged on. You did so much that somehow you didn’t really do it anymore.

Timed to parallel the end of this phase was the bed mentioned in the previous article. My lady’s sub was at our house all the time. If the two built, I worked partly. If someone else was there I had less interest in talking to my lady. There was no couple time anyway. This in turn meant that we had even less couple time.

We came back from a tour one weekend. We had actually had a bondage workshop that weekend. In addition, we were asked if we didn’t want to spend a nice evening with some S&M’ers in a (closed) club in a major European city for a donation to the coffee fund. We did not miss that. Thus the weekend was filled but also once again to bursting.

When we came back, my lady was – felt – meowy. I locked her in the cage in the living room and discussed the issue with her. She started to cry spontaneously, she would miss me. I was only in front of her nose, but not there. We didn’t talk enough. I was so far away. And whether I had actually noticed how long she had not had any more orgasms. Etc.

Here began a turning point.

A phase followed in which we talked much more with each other. In which I valued talking to her more. In which I was more thorough in making sure she came regularly. And we talked even more. And even more.

Soon the next lockdown began and we had more time for ourselves. The lockdown almost forced one to take time for the children, the relationship and the work. It was good for work. It was good for the relationship, too. We had time for ourselves. Learned a lot by switching over 1-2 weeks (separate article). That went well.

Currently the lockdown is getting harder. The children are at home. We had to send some of the daycare home because one of the children was quarantined by the government. You just notice again that I have to take care of the separation between the children and us.Or rather, I have to support them (my lady does this more instinctively than I do; see again the topic “noticable end”). This is going to be an exciting time in a way that I’m starting to get tired of.

But it’s nice to see that our basics are working. There will be various breaks coming up in the near future to catch my breath. I’m looking forward to them…

Live, corona end everything, part III

I often philosophized with my lady casually that it would be nice if I could just put her in a cage under our bed in the evenings.

Surprisingly, as with so many things I say, this had the effect that she decided to build one. She began sketches. She thought about using timber framing. She philosophized about how to design the cage door.We considered that the bed should be wide in tendency so that children could still fit next to us. It should perhaps offer ceiling bars so bondage could be done to it. Illumination would still be an issue…it should possibly be integrated.

She planned to use a 3 week vacation in the fall to get the bed semi-finished.

I was totally knackered at that phase. Between way too much work, the kids, and the relationship, I was watching to get stuff done. I maybe helped build the bed once in a while. Watched with interest. Liked it. But after three weeks, unfortunately, it ended up that actually only the wood was there. Purchased, sawed to fit, grinded, coated. But nothing more. It still had to be assembled. We suspected that this would be considerable work.

My lady’s sub was called in partly to help, partly he was happy to lend a hand. The two built. With highest accuracy. My tendency to use 80% solutions here and there was mostly ignored. I also did not want to impose myself in this matter. If I had done things myself as an 80% solution, I would not have really helped either. Rather I would have harmed, because it would have insulted the work and accuracy of the two also.

So that sub was with us regularly. I found it exhausting. But I could not throw him out. After all, he was helping with something that I could not complete in a timely manner. In the end, I would have had to do his work myself and I knew I couldn’t do that. And he did it better than I could have, too. This led to me working in the evenings while they were building. Went to bed late, hardly talked to each other. Tended to be tired.

In the end, there was the bed.

A building in our bedroom. Conspicuous already when walking through the hallway. Timber frame, without screws. Mostly plugged in with wooden dowels. Not creaking.

I already mentioned that I had a board for the head concerning some characteristics of my lady and that sub brought about a “thick end” towards the end of the year. Here again mentioned: my lady is no carpenter. She had never built a bed. But it stands there now.

As a construction, an element of our bedroom that makes it a hideaway for both of us. The bed is a work that you do not want to leave. And there is none on sight of hundreds of miles that I know of that comes close to being comparable. This is THE SM bed. And we know many locations from the inside 🙂 .

Of course, it also has a cage under the bed. Thanks to the framework, it is implemented so that the cage is not recognizable as such. Who is inside, does not come out. However, the children – thanks to the absence of bars and other features – lack the recognition of the pattern “cage”. They can tell a lot in kindergarten and school… A lot has to happen before an educator realizes what we are talking about.

We told the children that we didn’t want them to go on a wild goose chase down there, and that’s why there was a lockable door. The reasoning lasts a few years for now. The children also fit through the gaps. They go in and out down there. Prohibitively. But it is just a dark padded slightly hidden room. An ideal cave. The youngest of my lady has recently secretly gone to sleep there. Snuck in, covered up and kept his mouth shut. In no time, the little man slept a blissful sleep.

My lady has rarely slept in this cage so far. It was thrilling on both sides to put her in there. I knew she felt comfortable lying down alone, yet protected.

But I was lying alone. And so did she.

We rarely did that in retrospect.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

Live, corona and everything, part II

My lady now has a sub. She originally asked if she could have a bondage partner. This was during the time we had a rather empty house because of Corona.

My lady is great in bondage. Looking back, it was once again remarkably self-taught – but we know that about her. She had experienced bondage only as a passive during professional bondage lessons for me. And tied it down correctly virtually blindly after this. I didn’t notice that particularly. She had, after all, built bullwhips off the bat. And tinkered for children here and there works of art. All this autodidactics came to a noticable end at the end of the year.

But in the middle of the year it ended in the fact that I didn’t have enough fun with it in the long run. On the one hand, one must limitingly say that I like the handling of the ropes in principle – but not much more. We had a big difference there. On the other hand, however, I did not find it easy to remember every twist and knot. I used her partially as a encyclopedia when, for example, I didn’t know when putting on the 3-TK whether a rope had to be passed around at this or that point at the top or bottom. However, we both didn’t get into a good flow that way. It was better if she did it with someone else.

Our house was “empty” in a sense anyway via a Corona lockdown. We had the kids. But social contacts were lacking. Why not bring in S&M’ers? If anyone, it would be them. This thinking ended up in my lady, who could only work part-time, tying up her bondage partner in the living room, while I watched with headset to get Corona-conditioned contracts again. Or got me a coffee during phone calls and was happy that freshly used whips, canes etc. were lying around in the living room and we had SM life in the house.

The bondage partnership developed into a sub/dom relationship. As long as one can call this relationship. But “something” is there. You can call it whatever you want.

My lady is a nasty, mean, matter-of-fact sadist. Hums while tormenting. And looks amazing doing it.

Meanwhile, she regularly pursues her hobby of torturing her subbie. Partly at our house. Partly with him. Partly – due to corona – not at all.

How am I doing? Actually good. It is good and I always wanted her to have hobbies.

This is somehow not an answer to the question, how am I doing with it.

But it is an important partial effect. I saw my lady a bit skeptical about low social contact for a long time. I wanted her to bring in other inputs. She didn’t show much interest in social contact (another one of those points that ended up in that “noticable ending” at the end of the year). Wanted to be with me. I found the combination creepy. Found it desirable that she does something. Now she’s tormenting her subbie. Or enjoys an evening talking to him.

I hung restlessly on my cell phone the first night she wasn’t at our house. Watched her position report (which I can view). Didn’t fall asleep. Checked again to make sure she hadn’t left. Turned over in bed again. Looked again briefly at the cell phone. Well great.

I was not feeling very well. But I wanted it to happen. And there was no reason to refuse it. My dear lady is hyperloyal. And obedient. She only takes what I approve. So that was perfectly fine.

Over the weeks, I got used to it. And the guy is a good one. Brought us that “noticable end” at the end of the year. Nothing nasty. He just put things together with a high analytical talent, for which I had probably developed a kind of blindness.

Live, corona and everything, part I

We started this blog with the goal of telling you about our changes.

Some of them have happened. Quite positive ones. But you hardly get to celebrate your successes… because life currently feels like an express train with us.

Regarding our relationship, many things have remained constant. The children are getting older and more mature. The first child has been getting grades in school since the summer and is doing well. The group of 6 of our children is becoming a squad of stepbrothers who help each other. In this way, they get along more on their own. The older ones can print out coloring pictures for the younger ones. The younger ones don’t break as much anymore. The kids watch TV on their own on weekend mornings. That’s partly dumb. But the deal with them was “whoever wakes up in the morning doesn’t wake up other kids but gets to turn on the TV”. So on average they sleep longer at the weekend. But it has become a ritual with them, which they like. And we (now comes the important part) can stay peacefully in bed during that time. And recover from the week. There is more time to give love to the children. My lady still sleeps tied up beside me, she doesn’t know if I use her from the beginning of this helplessness in one of the three possible entrances or if she can’t defend herself against being beaten. I put out her clothes in the morning. She uses the formal form to me and mostly talks around it to the kids. She is a bit scared of me, at a level that is mutually acknowledged as helpful. I love her glow when I touch her indecently – she knows she better let me – and she is simply happy.

So far so good.

Still, life runs fast trains with us. At least I need sleep on the weekend. But at the latest around half past seven I get awake.

About Corona we are both now for months permanently at home. The children as well. Our landlady has quit, we have to find a new one as soon as possible.The first one we hired went back to her old employer. The second one we wanted to hire turned us down. Reason: she did not dare to take responsibility for 6 children.

My company is doing well. I now have two students as employees. I will probably be able to hire one of them permanently in a few months. In the second half of the year, the company had tremendous sales. Unfortunately, the work was probably objectively too much – it still has to be worked off in 2021 what was promised for 2020. As part of all my acquisitions, I at least managed to place the company as part of a government funded consortium – which will be a significant source of revenue for the company for 4 years. With which I can pay my employee, for example. Our house now has a gigabit connection. My lady, like me, has adaptive noise-canceling headphones. Two videoconferences while there are 6 kids in the house due to Corona? Works for me…

Unfortunately, a thousand reasons to spend money can also be found. The boys are simply eating the hair off our heads. When food is delivered for six children, a small truck comes. At the end of the week we have a lot of garbage, neatly sorted into plastic (for recycling), paper, glass, compost and rest. At least, thanks to waste separation, we can limit the latter item to about 80l per 2 weeks. The boys regularly need new clothes due to growth, dig holes in the lawn, destroy garden furniture. Borrow knives from the kitchen that come back broken. The expense items that go back to “goofing off” are really dwindling…. But are still there. I think underspends on such things are fluidly exchanged for overspends on food. On the side, one still has to pay money as divorce settlement for the ex. Lawyers still cost money. And we are managing to bring all that up…. It is also slowly getting better and better structure. But it’s a lot.

And so life goes on.

Couple relationship? It is going on. But I’ll take that in the following article.