I had prepared a very long article. “The noticable end.” It dealt with topics that had somehow condensed over the years and culminated at the end of 2020.
In the end, it was much too long. But I couldn’t shorten it either. It had to become rather longer.
In short: the sub of my lady had seen a pattern in certain characteristics of my lady. A pattern, which I had recognized in the approach, for whose correctness I had developed however a kind of blindness. A pattern which also applied to him.
That sub took a psychological test with her. A recognized, externally obtained test.
Unfortunately, the pattern is socially stigmatized. The fact that I would associate it with BDSM in a narrative thread here would, in my opinion, bring with it the duty of a high degree of care.
Because of the social stigma, it was intense for us that my lady responded to the test. She bought a book on the subject. We read a lot on the subject. We talked a lot about it.
In the process, an infinite number of thoughts arose. As I am, I wrote an article as an experience report. In the end, the article was long. And yet it was still far too short in terms of content. As hard as I tried, it was still too sketchy.
It turned out that the topic would be more suitable for a separate blog, rather than trying to cover it in passing. It would also shape the content of this blog here. And here it is supposed to be about Domestic Discipline, BDSM, our development, the difficulties of everyday life, etc. I could not have started this content and dealt with it properly. And so I deleted the article again.
We got through that test very precisely explained, why my lady is “different” to me. Since then we know even more than before that we have to talk to each other about impressions. Because we now know a system according to which we automatically talk past each other if we are not careful. And finally, very clear instructions for dealing with my lady can be derived.
I had my lady fill out the test for her ex-partner as a makeshift. Even if the answers often turned out differently, he would therefore also have to be classified as “positive”. In relation to my stepchildren, I found this rather frightening. It creeped me out what answers to certain oddities would directly result. It creeped me out that the kids are there with him alone. But the ex-partner is by no means incapable of parenting. Also systematically puts the kids in outside care. The children don’t find him or my lady strange. They know their parents as they are. We have a strong counterpart in me. Furthermore, over the last few years, my wife has adapted much of my behavior to the outside world and has also found it beautiful for herself.
We put the matter aside. We will probably not tell anyone about our self-made diagnosis. We don’t need a medical diagnosis either. It would do more harm than good.
We take it as a working thesis that my lady and her ex-partner are to be sorted into the appropriate behavioral spectrum. This helps to understand many things. It clarifies whole behavioral groups and their differences. It helps insofar to manage life better. Since in the case of my lady and her ex-partner nobody noticed what was going on for 30 years… one can simply leave it at that.