There is a book. It’s called “Progressive Domestic Discipline” and it was written by Vanessa Smith.
My lady and I read it while traveling to SM parties in March 2019 (Use – Second try). Our opinion at the time: “factually quite interesting, but overall much too heavy handed”.
We felt at the time that the book was preachy. In the sense that the benefits of a Domestic-Discipline relationship were rolled out one-sided and extremely flowery. It was obvious that the author – according to our first impression – wanted to get the topic into the heads of her readers. And in the process, we found that she repeated herself, told the story far too flowery, and hardly allowed worlds besides her own.
We took impulses from the book. But we didn’t see it as a “bible” in the sense that it would be useful to apply directly.
Today I sit again with my lady in the living room. She sits in the cage. Feels protected. And reads with me from the book.
We are both stunned because we now find the content romantic. We feel the book today is a beautiful book, which is well written. At least according to the paragraphs she reads to me, perplexed – is there now what we think !!!?
I don’t know how the difference between the view then and the view now comes about. I suspect that with our experience today, we have a better approach to the subject. I suspect that many things seemed “too violent” to us then. Both in educational measures, as well as in their reasons, and in the benefits to be achieved. It clearly didn’t work that way.
However, the more experience we gain, the more likely we are to agree. In the meantime, we consider the rather strict, consequent methods to be the most effective. Precisely because this consequence also includes the consequence that the HoH has to take care of the mental health of his TiH. And of course the couple has the task that the children see nothing else than a loving couple.
Nowadays, when we see what we now do regularly and how we got there, Vanessa Smith’s descriptions suddenly seem logical and beautiful.
But I also suspect that each couple – or at least a part of each couple – has to work its way to this way of thinking.
I assume, for example, that men who can be responsibly trusted by women are the very ones who disagree with many passages at first.
I also assume that women, before they can entrust themselves to a man in this way, must first have worked out the necessary conviction for themselves.
From today’s point of view, I would recommend that newcomers to the subject buy the book and study it. Take the book as an inspiration. Derive things from it as a couple.
Out of all the things Ms. Smith writes, I would prioritize three in particular:
- Notice that Ms. Smith writes over and over that a loving HoH takes care of his TiH.
- Noted that the HoH cannot avoid exercising power in real terms. It’s not about doing what the TiH wants. Or simply pleasing his lady in sex games.
- Talk to each other a lot. Walk the way together. The HoH needs to know that his TiH feels protected in the context of exercising power. In particular, he must be able to notice when this is no longer the case.
Take the above into consideration… and then let the things you both experience work on you.