Children and parents in a Domestic-Discipline(/SM/BDSM) relationship

After we had been together for a about half a year, I wrote an article about “Children and BDSM Parents“. It was still strongly influenced by the “coming together” of us as a troop of 8.

Since the topic keeps coming up in our environment, I’m writing about it again here. But now from the perspective of about 2.5 years of experience 😀.

Basic assumptions

In the many couples we know from the active SM environment, children play a role. Be it only on weekends, as a continuous life or alternating in the context of patchwork constellations.

We know parents who very strictly want to keep the children out of the sexual life. That sounds logical at first. However, I experience the form of execution partly as critical. The people who propagate this very strongly often twist themselves.

When my lady and I moved in together, only one of our six was attending elementary school. We had really young kids. Further, the kids were fresh “separation” kids. We watched very closely to see what impressions impacted them and how they were doing with it.

In retrospect, I can say that the children were very fine with a lot of things. There was no problem. Just because they don’t know sex. Precisely because they don’t know S&M. Precisely because they don’t know violence. The most important thing I want parents to remember in the SM context is to leave those three points alone. This is easy. Above all, you must avoid jokes about canes. Also other things that give the kids hints that there are things that don’t fit their fluffy world.

Internalize that your children have no pigeonhole in their brains for anything that goes in the direction of violence and sex. So no matter what they pick up in that regard – they would sort it into the wrong pigeonhole. And with that in mind, just let it go completely.

If this works AND you are a relaxed couple, I can promise you a life with great freedom. Then the same pigeonhole scheme works for you.

Spanking / Toys / …

If your children don’t know SM, don’t know jokes about caning etc., you can forget canes in the living room. Your children will fence with them. Because the sticks are so nice and flexible and you can fence with them much better than with the sticks from the garden. And because what the HoH does with them is far beyond their thinking horizon.

If your children don’t know sex AND know you as a fresh couple as a lovely couple, they can see you lying in bed without any problems. They will only see a lovely couple and will be happy to come in for a cuddle. Especially if you stay relaxed, they may see a much more loveful couple than they saw in previous relationships.

If your kids don’t know any jokes about the wand, they’ll take it out of the bedroom and misuse it as a Singstar microphone. Or demand that you massage them with it again. Because there are no other uses for it in their fluffy kid world.

If your kids don’t know any jokes about whipping tools and how to use them, you can even build whips at home as a hobby. In the short period of time that we haven’t made the freshly built things disappear, the kids play with them partially. The kids don’t put it in any other context than when other moms knit. The fact that you could hit people with it is then behind their thinking horizon.

We have ceiling hooks in the living room. There’s a (kids) swing hanging from it. We hang birthday garlands from them. Or strings with “Happy Birthday” on them. The kids put the hooks into pigeonholes that match their fluffy world. That lasts for a few more years.

My TiH also wears a lockable metal ring ( meaning a collar) around her neck. One of the kind that her colleagues talked something like “pretty necklace”. It does not have to get off – and does not. The collar is bought for being usable when picking up children from child care. In the meantime, we observed two of my lady’s children using the ring as a fixed point for holding on to while they kiss mom.

So holding her by the collar while kissing her (🙈).

That went by. They probably learned that from me. But it happened precisely because they knew no violent context. They knew it as a partial gesture from the context of kissing when saying goodbye/greeting/etc. . They did it lovingly, without oppressing mom. Because it was so convenient to hold there.

Power differential/exercise of power

The topic of power differential is only theoretically a difficult topic. In practice, I can only encourage you to approach it very naturally as well. The core is a loving and respectful interaction with each other and with the children. Then a lot can be done.

No, I do not want to call for mom to kneel in front of dad. That again falls into the category of “children don’t have a pigeonhole for that and put it in an unwanted one”. An image of mom being beaten, yelled at, or disdainfully rebuked will also only distress children.

But if your children see that the top respects the sub really and throughly, they will see a loving couple. Then they can also easily perceive the man as a loving familyhead. This may sound a bit anachronistic, but it is not dangerous in itself. After all, the couple has great strengths. In the ideal case Top can from its role e.g. Sub so sovereignly and en passant right have let, that the children see despite the role distribution a child-fairer couple, than it households of the ex-partners exemplify.

Also like to internalize what happens when the TiH lets a top have the last word who respects her in real terms. He may have the last word in principle. However, he will never ever be able to take care of everything. Exactly the Top, to which one can give that “last word”, can leave to its TiH also sovereign in the life liberties. Under reasonable humans thereby topic-referred responsibilities develop in the outside appearance. And children find these in almost every relationship. The fact that it looks different in the internal relationship of the partners with the Domestic Discipline can stabilize, provide for reliability and have a very positive effect. And the internal relationship is not anything that belongs in the fluffy world of children.

Outlook

It is obvious that sooner or later our children will realize how certain things are connected. By then, however, they will have put it in pigeonholes of the loving couple that they saw the last few years. This loving environment is explicitly applauded by the children. That should fit well.

Rather cross connections become interesting. For example, when older children recognize the alternative uses of certain things – and make hints to younger siblings as part of their mental processing. But again, I think it will be true that by this time we will have deposited much that is trustworthy and positive into a virtual account held by the children. It will be possible to withdraw from this account in case of need, and it will very certainly remain positive.

I would like to encourage you to approach your children similarly (😀)

Our way in the domestic discipline – or: about the duty of spanking your wife… (duck away)

Preamble

Properly socialized men don’t write what I wrote above as a headline.And properly socialized women only trust men who would not write such a headline.

I count myself among the properly socialized men. I count my lady as a properly socialized woman. At least we were three years ago, if I use the above as a benchmark.

There are men in social networks of the SM scene who post pictures of their ladies. The men are often over 50. The often considerably younger ladies find themselves chained in basements. Beaten. Hung up until they were “soft.” Usually “used”, sometimes to the point of unconsciousness of the ladies. The men often preach under the photos why they do the only right thing from their point of view. On the basis of the fact that the photos often extend over longer periods of time, it can be guessed that the ladies repeatedly appear with these gentlemen. Based on the photo series visible over periods of time, I assume that the women’s limits are slowly shifting. They become ” obedient “, as the men write. Based on the descriptions of the tops, I assume that unrestrained horniness is at play – especially with the ladies. And I also assume that this is the case precisely because of the treatment they receive there.

Our position on this three years ago

Fantasies of my lady and me were shaped by these pictures. Keyword primary “d.e.b.r.i.s.” / “DEBRIS”. But they were far away from what we thought was sensible/thinkable/healthy/…. reality.

My lady strongly assumed to want exactly something like that. She was afraid of automatically drifting into it in any S&M relationship – and completely denied herself for that very reason. She consistently went into an open marriage with a vanilla – and got the “play” externally. The open marriage was the safe harbor into which she returned after possibly heavy play weekends. The open marriage prevented at the same time, as an effective reasonable self-protection, that my lady gave herself up in SM.

I found the pictures interesting. But I couldn’t begin to imagine that scenarios like the ones described above could be a meaningful part of a healthy relationship. It didn’t even occur to me to include such aspects.

Our view – as you can imagine – has changed a lot.

Of mice and men

Let’s take again the picture that properly socialized subs only get together with properly socialized tops. In 90% of all cases, in my experience, this is what happens:

After stormy getting to know each other and many weekend meetings, the properly socialized subs moves in with the properly socialized top.

And then it goes to the rocks. Because the properly socialized top, being a good man, keeps his distance from oppressing the woman. And he knows, thanks to his rationality, that he would do that if he were constantly top. He would be violent. He waits dutifully until the woman feels like playing again – while the woman somehow has other problems. And is otherwise frustrated that the man doesn’t give his part of the relationship because he is no longer a top. The properly socialized top becomes a vanilla couple with the properly socialized sub in the long run – if all goes well. The resulting couple maybe times “plays”.

Problems on pair level: the top especially does not give his part of the partnership if he is not top. If it then comes to it that Sub tends to have less desire for sex/DS/SM etc., because she is simply not stimulated by the emerging vanilla constellation, it does not get better. If either has children or pets, the couples therapist has even more to do.

The sad rule, in my opinion, is that top and sub often wear themselves out on relationship problems because the sex they were having is no longer working the way they are having it now. The tops and subs break up, get together with others. In my environment, those couples who have been together for more than two years remain in the minority. The couples that have been together longer, or live stable cosequent SM, are in my experience 50 years…. or older.

Well, you dear properly socialized world. Now we’re getting to the point where there’s a knot that the 30-40 year old well socialized man and the associated well socialized woman can only untie if they jump over their shadows. And do things that disturb the well-socialized rest of the world.

All of a sudden, then, yes, it has its logic when a couple decides that after moving in together, top is top and sub is sub. But the couple still has everyday life. One slips out of the “roles”. Both sub, and top.

If then sub wants to stay sub, the top is suddenly in the duty to let his sub be sub, even if he has just the head full of work/children/tiredness.

From the duty of doing unspeakable things

And already we are at the apparent platitude of the duty for top to spank/use/lock up/etc. his sub. Even when he is not stimulated. We are at the apparent platitude that women “want it after all” and therefore you have to give it to them. We are at the unspeakable formulation that to spank one’s wife is in fact “caring”. That one ignores the needs of one’s wife and treats her badly if one does not use her roughly and demandingly.

Keep in mind that up to this point in the relationship, it’s only about men that the well-socialized women trusted before.

Uaaaah. The aspect of this text ending up as “16+” on the internet is challenging. Standing on their own, these sentences are in fact heavy.

And for that very reason, it’s exactly what I think many SM people have to deal with at some point.

You have to go through the necessary thought processes in a legally and morally correct way. You quickly get to topics like “at what point is it real violence?”. Where does violence begin and end in the relationship?What can I do psychologically with my wife without endangering her mental stability? According to what criteria may a woman even dare to allow a partner to do “that” permanently? To whom does a woman entrust herself in such a way that she allows herself to be flushed down the man’s gullet as a mouse with skin and hair, so to speak? Does the partner pull her also pleasurely at the tail his throat up again? Or does he change at some point in such a way that he swallows her right down, if he already has her in his throat?

In my experience, few couples follow through with this line of thought. Most of the “good” guys and girls shift down a few gears after a stormy relationship start time.

In my experience, most of the few tops and subs who have stably completed these lines of thought for themselves, and in doing so have jumped over the principles of their socialization, are over 50. I get this impression, for example, from the age structure I see at O parties.

On the other hand, the couples who dare to keep top top and sub sub, have a certain magic in them. It’s exactly the magic that Vanessa Smith describes so flowerily in “Progressive Domestic Discipline” that we didn’t take it seriously at first. The couple makes a contract that no one will take away from them so quickly.

Our world

Couples who can complete the above thought processes in such a way that they end up healthy for both of them have arrived in what I see as Domestic Discipline. The word “marry” takes on a different meaning here at the wedding.

I now see little difference from us as a couple to the gentlemen and ladies who play the violent games I mentioned at the beginning. My lady needs to be beaten to keep her obedient. However, she also likes herself considerably more when she is obedient. Yes, it has positive effects on the partnership when I alternate spanking and using my lady. My lady needs, gladly in bound condition – the cock unasked and firmly in the mouth. This is exactly what makes her soaking wet in a few seconds. My lady and I need it that I lock her away chained from time to time – so that she becomes more aware of her role. And she has many orgasms with all this.

I of course would never put photos of all this on the net. I have great respect for not leaving my lady intact during all this. I have so much respect for it that my lady constantly finds it a bit annoying. These are all things that make us as a couple massively different from the gentlemen mentioned above. I still want to be with my lady in 20 years 🙂 . As a properly socialized man, my limits had to be pushed over the years before I got there. “Head of Household” (HoH) and “Taken in Hand” (TiH) in the sense of “Domestic Discipline” we did not become overnight.

And my lady has definitely participated vigorously in pushing my limits. She didn’t really push along. But she kept holding out the road signs to me that showed the way. I “only” had to follow the rules. But in the process, some of the socialization went away.

Not that she actively begged for me to treat her harshly. But she was repeatedly – within days – displeased when I didn’t spank her. Grumpy. Bratty. Started thinking like a vanilla lady and was unhappy about it. If I hit her, it stopped. Then she was sweet again. (Uhhh, what a sentence). If she has been dry underneath, I quickly learned that slaps, violent punches and a firm use in the mouth were an effective remedy (I duck away). From such facts a certain behavior manifested itself with me. That’s what we do to the inside.

If I in turn regularly show this behavior, she grins so wonderfully when I kiss her neck in the kitchen while making breakfast. Or when I wish her bon appétit while she’s eating. The magic that comes from this is what defines us and is perceived from the outside. We are clearly a great working couple. Like out of the Domestic Discipline textbook. Virtually without power struggles. Efficiently working together. Balanced. Giving only good things to the children.

I, as a well-socialized man, slowly but surely pushed my limits under the guidance of my well-socialized lady. And it is an exciting journey 🙂 .

Postscript

I would like to add a few words on the subject of “children”. Even since they do not belong into this text. Or just because they don’t belong into it and I don’t want to be misunderstood precisely in this point.

In order not to steer couples, who find us interesting, on wrong tracks: guys and gals – the children belong in my above way of thinking into what externals see. I firmly assume that children would not sort the above described facts into the right pigeonholes. Children, in my opinion, will never be able to process consensus in the context of violence as such. At least until the point they start to understand sexuality, they will misunderstand 100% everything they perceive. Children belong on the fluffy “mom and dad love each other sooo much and I like the cake at home” side of what you can broadcast as a couple. That they are on that side of possible impressions is your holy job.

Progressive Domestic Discipline – now and then

There is a book. It’s called “Progressive Domestic Discipline” and it was written by Vanessa Smith.

My lady and I read it while traveling to SM parties in March 2019 (Use – Second try). Our opinion at the time: “factually quite interesting, but overall much too heavy handed”.

We felt at the time that the book was preachy. In the sense that the benefits of a Domestic-Discipline relationship were rolled out one-sided and extremely flowery. It was obvious that the author – according to our first impression – wanted to get the topic into the heads of her readers. And in the process, we found that she repeated herself, told the story far too flowery, and hardly allowed worlds besides her own.

We took impulses from the book. But we didn’t see it as a “bible” in the sense that it would be useful to apply directly.

Today I sit again with my lady in the living room. She sits in the cage. Feels protected. And reads with me from the book.

We are both stunned because we now find the content romantic. We feel the book today is a beautiful book, which is well written. At least according to the paragraphs she reads to me, perplexed – is there now what we think !!!?

I don’t know how the difference between the view then and the view now comes about. I suspect that with our experience today, we have a better approach to the subject. I suspect that many things seemed “too violent” to us then. Both in educational measures, as well as in their reasons, and in the benefits to be achieved. It clearly didn’t work that way.

However, the more experience we gain, the more likely we are to agree. In the meantime, we consider the rather strict, consequent methods to be the most effective. Precisely because this consequence also includes the consequence that the HoH has to take care of the mental health of his TiH. And of course the couple has the task that the children see nothing else than a loving couple.

Nowadays, when we see what we now do regularly and how we got there, Vanessa Smith’s descriptions suddenly seem logical and beautiful.

But I also suspect that each couple – or at least a part of each couple – has to work its way to this way of thinking.

I assume, for example, that men who can be responsibly trusted by women are the very ones who disagree with many passages at first.

I also assume that women, before they can entrust themselves to a man in this way, must first have worked out the necessary conviction for themselves.

From today’s point of view, I would recommend that newcomers to the subject buy the book and study it. Take the book as an inspiration. Derive things from it as a couple.
Out of all the things Ms. Smith writes, I would prioritize three in particular:

  • Notice that Ms. Smith writes over and over that a loving HoH takes care of his TiH.
  • Noted that the HoH cannot avoid exercising power in real terms. It’s not about doing what the TiH wants. Or simply pleasing his lady in sex games.
  • Talk to each other a lot. Walk the way together. The HoH needs to know that his TiH feels protected in the context of exercising power. In particular, he must be able to notice when this is no longer the case.

Take the above into consideration… and then let the things you both experience work on you.

The noticeable end (2nd try)

I had prepared a very long article. “The noticable end.” It dealt with topics that had somehow condensed over the years and culminated at the end of 2020.

In the end, it was much too long. But I couldn’t shorten it either. It had to become rather longer.

In short: the sub of my lady had seen a pattern in certain characteristics of my lady. A pattern, which I had recognized in the approach, for whose correctness I had developed however a kind of blindness. A pattern which also applied to him.

That sub took a psychological test with her. A recognized, externally obtained test.

Unfortunately, the pattern is socially stigmatized. The fact that I would associate it with BDSM in a narrative thread here would, in my opinion, bring with it the duty of a high degree of care.

Because of the social stigma, it was intense for us that my lady responded to the test. She bought a book on the subject. We read a lot on the subject. We talked a lot about it.

In the process, an infinite number of thoughts arose. As I am, I wrote an article as an experience report. In the end, the article was long. And yet it was still far too short in terms of content. As hard as I tried, it was still too sketchy.

It turned out that the topic would be more suitable for a separate blog, rather than trying to cover it in passing. It would also shape the content of this blog here. And here it is supposed to be about Domestic Discipline, BDSM, our development, the difficulties of everyday life, etc. I could not have started this content and dealt with it properly. And so I deleted the article again.

Final result

We got through that test very precisely explained, why my lady is “different” to me. Since then we know even more than before that we have to talk to each other about impressions. Because we now know a system according to which we automatically talk past each other if we are not careful. And finally, very clear instructions for dealing with my lady can be derived.

I had my lady fill out the test for her ex-partner as a makeshift. Even if the answers often turned out differently, he would therefore also have to be classified as “positive”. In relation to my stepchildren, I found this rather frightening. It creeped me out what answers to certain oddities would directly result. It creeped me out that the kids are there with him alone. But the ex-partner is by no means incapable of parenting. Also systematically puts the kids in outside care. The children don’t find him or my lady strange. They know their parents as they are. We have a strong counterpart in me. Furthermore, over the last few years, my wife has adapted much of my behavior to the outside world and has also found it beautiful for herself.

We put the matter aside. We will probably not tell anyone about our self-made diagnosis. We don’t need a medical diagnosis either. It would do more harm than good.

We take it as a working thesis that my lady and her ex-partner are to be sorted into the appropriate behavioral spectrum. This helps to understand many things. It clarifies whole behavioral groups and their differences. It helps insofar to manage life better. Since in the case of my lady and her ex-partner nobody noticed what was going on for 30 years… one can simply leave it at that.

Live, corona and everything, part IV

At some point, we had simply overdone it. How we had gotten there was not entirely clear to me.

There were various partial aspects. One was that I was exhausted. In the second half of the year, it was just too crowded. In the anxiety about cash flow, I had brought in way too much work. There were also real under-recoveries from the first half of the year that had to be made up.

Furthermore, in the context of the Corona lockdown, the SM parties were missing. And so we went to many events. But somehow we did this like restless vampires, who feed on animal blood, can’t get enough and jump on the next animal. We needed parties where I could tie my lady to the ceiling and let people use her. What we had were nice weekends in pools of scene folks, bondage workshops (with safety distance, air filters, etc.) and other stuff. Lots of that.

I performed at work, performed to the kids, performed to my lady. But it became a lot. In the bondage workshops, I lost my nerve some of the time. I was asked to continue tying up my lady. But I didn’t want to do that at all. I also could have had tea after a couple of hours of workshops. Not exactly what the workshop leader was aiming for.

And things like that dragged on. You did so much that somehow you didn’t really do it anymore.

Timed to parallel the end of this phase was the bed mentioned in the previous article. My lady’s sub was at our house all the time. If the two built, I worked partly. If someone else was there I had less interest in talking to my lady. There was no couple time anyway. This in turn meant that we had even less couple time.

We came back from a tour one weekend. We had actually had a bondage workshop that weekend. In addition, we were asked if we didn’t want to spend a nice evening with some S&M’ers in a (closed) club in a major European city for a donation to the coffee fund. We did not miss that. Thus the weekend was filled but also once again to bursting.

When we came back, my lady was – felt – meowy. I locked her in the cage in the living room and discussed the issue with her. She started to cry spontaneously, she would miss me. I was only in front of her nose, but not there. We didn’t talk enough. I was so far away. And whether I had actually noticed how long she had not had any more orgasms. Etc.

Here began a turning point.

A phase followed in which we talked much more with each other. In which I valued talking to her more. In which I was more thorough in making sure she came regularly. And we talked even more. And even more.

Soon the next lockdown began and we had more time for ourselves. The lockdown almost forced one to take time for the children, the relationship and the work. It was good for work. It was good for the relationship, too. We had time for ourselves. Learned a lot by switching over 1-2 weeks (separate article). That went well.

Currently the lockdown is getting harder. The children are at home. We had to send some of the daycare home because one of the children was quarantined by the government. You just notice again that I have to take care of the separation between the children and us.Or rather, I have to support them (my lady does this more instinctively than I do; see again the topic “noticable end”). This is going to be an exciting time in a way that I’m starting to get tired of.

But it’s nice to see that our basics are working. There will be various breaks coming up in the near future to catch my breath. I’m looking forward to them…

Live, corona end everything, part III

I often philosophized with my lady casually that it would be nice if I could just put her in a cage under our bed in the evenings.

Surprisingly, as with so many things I say, this had the effect that she decided to build one. She began sketches. She thought about using timber framing. She philosophized about how to design the cage door.We considered that the bed should be wide in tendency so that children could still fit next to us. It should perhaps offer ceiling bars so bondage could be done to it. Illumination would still be an issue…it should possibly be integrated.

She planned to use a 3 week vacation in the fall to get the bed semi-finished.

I was totally knackered at that phase. Between way too much work, the kids, and the relationship, I was watching to get stuff done. I maybe helped build the bed once in a while. Watched with interest. Liked it. But after three weeks, unfortunately, it ended up that actually only the wood was there. Purchased, sawed to fit, grinded, coated. But nothing more. It still had to be assembled. We suspected that this would be considerable work.

My lady’s sub was called in partly to help, partly he was happy to lend a hand. The two built. With highest accuracy. My tendency to use 80% solutions here and there was mostly ignored. I also did not want to impose myself in this matter. If I had done things myself as an 80% solution, I would not have really helped either. Rather I would have harmed, because it would have insulted the work and accuracy of the two also.

So that sub was with us regularly. I found it exhausting. But I could not throw him out. After all, he was helping with something that I could not complete in a timely manner. In the end, I would have had to do his work myself and I knew I couldn’t do that. And he did it better than I could have, too. This led to me working in the evenings while they were building. Went to bed late, hardly talked to each other. Tended to be tired.

In the end, there was the bed.

A building in our bedroom. Conspicuous already when walking through the hallway. Timber frame, without screws. Mostly plugged in with wooden dowels. Not creaking.

I already mentioned that I had a board for the head concerning some characteristics of my lady and that sub brought about a “thick end” towards the end of the year. Here again mentioned: my lady is no carpenter. She had never built a bed. But it stands there now.

As a construction, an element of our bedroom that makes it a hideaway for both of us. The bed is a work that you do not want to leave. And there is none on sight of hundreds of miles that I know of that comes close to being comparable. This is THE SM bed. And we know many locations from the inside 🙂 .

Of course, it also has a cage under the bed. Thanks to the framework, it is implemented so that the cage is not recognizable as such. Who is inside, does not come out. However, the children – thanks to the absence of bars and other features – lack the recognition of the pattern “cage”. They can tell a lot in kindergarten and school… A lot has to happen before an educator realizes what we are talking about.

We told the children that we didn’t want them to go on a wild goose chase down there, and that’s why there was a lockable door. The reasoning lasts a few years for now. The children also fit through the gaps. They go in and out down there. Prohibitively. But it is just a dark padded slightly hidden room. An ideal cave. The youngest of my lady has recently secretly gone to sleep there. Snuck in, covered up and kept his mouth shut. In no time, the little man slept a blissful sleep.

My lady has rarely slept in this cage so far. It was thrilling on both sides to put her in there. I knew she felt comfortable lying down alone, yet protected.

But I was lying alone. And so did she.

We rarely did that in retrospect.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

Live, corona and everything, part II

My lady now has a sub. She originally asked if she could have a bondage partner. This was during the time we had a rather empty house because of Corona.

My lady is great in bondage. Looking back, it was once again remarkably self-taught – but we know that about her. She had experienced bondage only as a passive during professional bondage lessons for me. And tied it down correctly virtually blindly after this. I didn’t notice that particularly. She had, after all, built bullwhips off the bat. And tinkered for children here and there works of art. All this autodidactics came to a noticable end at the end of the year.

But in the middle of the year it ended in the fact that I didn’t have enough fun with it in the long run. On the one hand, one must limitingly say that I like the handling of the ropes in principle – but not much more. We had a big difference there. On the other hand, however, I did not find it easy to remember every twist and knot. I used her partially as a encyclopedia when, for example, I didn’t know when putting on the 3-TK whether a rope had to be passed around at this or that point at the top or bottom. However, we both didn’t get into a good flow that way. It was better if she did it with someone else.

Our house was “empty” in a sense anyway via a Corona lockdown. We had the kids. But social contacts were lacking. Why not bring in S&M’ers? If anyone, it would be them. This thinking ended up in my lady, who could only work part-time, tying up her bondage partner in the living room, while I watched with headset to get Corona-conditioned contracts again. Or got me a coffee during phone calls and was happy that freshly used whips, canes etc. were lying around in the living room and we had SM life in the house.

The bondage partnership developed into a sub/dom relationship. As long as one can call this relationship. But “something” is there. You can call it whatever you want.

My lady is a nasty, mean, matter-of-fact sadist. Hums while tormenting. And looks amazing doing it.

Meanwhile, she regularly pursues her hobby of torturing her subbie. Partly at our house. Partly with him. Partly – due to corona – not at all.

How am I doing? Actually good. It is good and I always wanted her to have hobbies.

This is somehow not an answer to the question, how am I doing with it.

But it is an important partial effect. I saw my lady a bit skeptical about low social contact for a long time. I wanted her to bring in other inputs. She didn’t show much interest in social contact (another one of those points that ended up in that “noticable ending” at the end of the year). Wanted to be with me. I found the combination creepy. Found it desirable that she does something. Now she’s tormenting her subbie. Or enjoys an evening talking to him.

I hung restlessly on my cell phone the first night she wasn’t at our house. Watched her position report (which I can view). Didn’t fall asleep. Checked again to make sure she hadn’t left. Turned over in bed again. Looked again briefly at the cell phone. Well great.

I was not feeling very well. But I wanted it to happen. And there was no reason to refuse it. My dear lady is hyperloyal. And obedient. She only takes what I approve. So that was perfectly fine.

Over the weeks, I got used to it. And the guy is a good one. Brought us that “noticable end” at the end of the year. Nothing nasty. He just put things together with a high analytical talent, for which I had probably developed a kind of blindness.

Live, corona and everything, part I

We started this blog with the goal of telling you about our changes.

Some of them have happened. Quite positive ones. But you hardly get to celebrate your successes… because life currently feels like an express train with us.

Regarding our relationship, many things have remained constant. The children are getting older and more mature. The first child has been getting grades in school since the summer and is doing well. The group of 6 of our children is becoming a squad of stepbrothers who help each other. In this way, they get along more on their own. The older ones can print out coloring pictures for the younger ones. The younger ones don’t break as much anymore. The kids watch TV on their own on weekend mornings. That’s partly dumb. But the deal with them was “whoever wakes up in the morning doesn’t wake up other kids but gets to turn on the TV”. So on average they sleep longer at the weekend. But it has become a ritual with them, which they like. And we (now comes the important part) can stay peacefully in bed during that time. And recover from the week. There is more time to give love to the children. My lady still sleeps tied up beside me, she doesn’t know if I use her from the beginning of this helplessness in one of the three possible entrances or if she can’t defend herself against being beaten. I put out her clothes in the morning. She uses the formal form to me and mostly talks around it to the kids. She is a bit scared of me, at a level that is mutually acknowledged as helpful. I love her glow when I touch her indecently – she knows she better let me – and she is simply happy.

So far so good.

Still, life runs fast trains with us. At least I need sleep on the weekend. But at the latest around half past seven I get awake.

About Corona we are both now for months permanently at home. The children as well. Our landlady has quit, we have to find a new one as soon as possible.The first one we hired went back to her old employer. The second one we wanted to hire turned us down. Reason: she did not dare to take responsibility for 6 children.

My company is doing well. I now have two students as employees. I will probably be able to hire one of them permanently in a few months. In the second half of the year, the company had tremendous sales. Unfortunately, the work was probably objectively too much – it still has to be worked off in 2021 what was promised for 2020. As part of all my acquisitions, I at least managed to place the company as part of a government funded consortium – which will be a significant source of revenue for the company for 4 years. With which I can pay my employee, for example. Our house now has a gigabit connection. My lady, like me, has adaptive noise-canceling headphones. Two videoconferences while there are 6 kids in the house due to Corona? Works for me…

Unfortunately, a thousand reasons to spend money can also be found. The boys are simply eating the hair off our heads. When food is delivered for six children, a small truck comes. At the end of the week we have a lot of garbage, neatly sorted into plastic (for recycling), paper, glass, compost and rest. At least, thanks to waste separation, we can limit the latter item to about 80l per 2 weeks. The boys regularly need new clothes due to growth, dig holes in the lawn, destroy garden furniture. Borrow knives from the kitchen that come back broken. The expense items that go back to “goofing off” are really dwindling…. But are still there. I think underspends on such things are fluidly exchanged for overspends on food. On the side, one still has to pay money as divorce settlement for the ex. Lawyers still cost money. And we are managing to bring all that up…. It is also slowly getting better and better structure. But it’s a lot.

And so life goes on.

Couple relationship? It is going on. But I’ll take that in the following article.

And then Corona came

I haven’t written for some time. That was because of two things.

One, I suffered from insomnia. That’s why I even went to the doctor towards the end. And complimented my youngest out of our bed. It was just too much from the impressions during the day and the responsibility of financing this whole place. And I didn’t even know then that Corona was coming, or what it meant.

On the other hand Corona came. Every day the children at home. Landlady moved to the core hours of our work schedule. In the house at the beginning of Corona massively renovated, to have the structures for the higher density of people present. Getting up very early in the morning to tunnel the waking hours of the children. In the evening only late rest… there was not much in between.

One thing I can say: I have matured in my role as HOH. And my lady in her role as “mine”. One of mine worked like crazy in Q2 to keep existing clients and acquire new ones at the same time. My lady worked (forced, though gladly taken) at home, and caught what fell down.

We isolated ourselves. The food was brought by the delivery service (10-20 bags per week). The rest Amazon. We barely left the house. I was one of the first people to have masks. For 250Eur. 25 masks. Life went on with our set of rules. My lady got beaten every day. Was used. I got the counterparts.

Pleasure: the children came together in patchwork. While before, some of my lady’s and my children were still rejecting each other, that went away in a few weeks. Background: all child care was closed. When there were only the alternatives of being alone at home full of boredom or having the others, they learned to appreciate each other more constantly. When they were at our partners or partly alone with us, boredom broke out boundlessly. I am glad that we have a house and a landlady.

But: we were constantly exhausted. We did what you have to do. But a certain lameness had come in unnoticed.

One weekend turned the tide.

Friday: we went to the forest with friends. We had organized that. Motto: “One bullwhip length of distance is enough”. With an announcement that you wear masks. Everyone brought food. It was a picnic. Afterwards, we beat each other up. It was a great picture when my lady and a friend bullwhipped a contestant. Great photos, great videos. On the other hand, one noticed: such pictures would not have been taken in any club in the world. It worked exactly in such small environments like our forest group, which would not have existed like this before. It was cold. Everyone was wearing clothes. Even the Subbies. We noticed with pleasure that it hurts even through the clothes. And there were also traces. All in all, it was a bit of a snap, just because of the temperature. As we sat there, we saw it as a snap idea. But at the same time, everyone was happy and sent messages afterwards about how great it was and that it would have to be repeated.

Saturday / Sunday: We visited a bondage workshop. Exemplary organized. So that in case of doubt, governmental authorities came in and found out that all regulations were followed. Those who didn’t wear a mask had to keep silent. Distance was kept. On the toilet and in front of it disinfectant (one “shared” the door handle 🙂 . Existing concept with checklist. Instruction of the participants in the checklist. And so on. The course instructor had simply started mentally to look for solutions.

On the return trip on Sunday I called friends. We would now be looking for people who were looking for solutions. I partly only heard a ” say up something”. It did not matter what it was about. They all wanted to. I gave out the slogan, we wanted to have normal people in the house again. And I meant the dear S&M people. From whom we had learned that without them, our relationship would somehow diminish.

We started to organize living room parties again. With mask. With an evacuation plan in case of surprise visits by the local authorities. My lady got the permission to find a bondage partner and caught herself de facto a Subbi. We built our own messenger (matrix-based) to communicate more closely. I walked around the house partly using a headset – my less working lady and tortured her less working Subbi. Great view.

My acquisition work in Q2 bore fruit. I am simply full in Q3. I don’t know how I’m going to get the work done. And at the end of Q3 I’ll have a nice full company account – as long as I can get the work done. Which seems to work.

It’s a breathless time. You have to see how you get by. There are a lot of balls in the air and you have to keep them up. But it’s also a time that leaves room for change.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

Top is baking Sub – Sub is baking Top

One of our first texts is the one on the start page. Among other things, it says that we wanted to let you participate in how we are changing.

A short general remark: we don’t get to describe this in detail anymore 🙈. We would sit for hours in front of the computer. Much more hours than we can reasonably invest. We can only catch up slowly from behind. I’m just afraid that we’re moving on and on – and that we’ll never be able to catch up at the end.

One aspect of this change is a conversation I had with my lady about half a year ago. At that time I noticed somewhat horrified that she doesn’t like certain things I do with her at all 😨.

She said that she did not want to be chained up at night. She did not like sleeping naked next to me. She doesn’t like me laying out her clothes either. She generally has a different idea of the weighting of giving children love and structure in the task of “being a parent”.

It turned out that she did not like the individual aspects so much – but she liked the overall picture of ” abandoning” herself 😘. From this overall picture, in turn, it was protective to be restrained. It was easier to accept taking care of children as the master does. To be constrained. Not having to think about what you want. What to wear – because it is easier to wear what the master lays out than to discuss it with him. Not having to think about whether you want sex at night – because you are chained anyway and the crotch is exposed thanks to nudity – not having to think about whether you want to satisfy – because it is easier to do that than to take what happens when you are forced.

All in all, it turned out that she feels deeply secure in taking on what I want.

I came across the phrase “Oops. I’m baking my custom-made sub” in my head. So where are my lady’s needs then 😯?

I found it partly as scary, partly as beautiful, when I understood that my lady finally was adapting to me with much love and devotion in many things.

That is now some months ago. I do not know exactly when. From this point on we went on walking anyway. And it changed us, too. I learned, for example, that it is important to take my lady’s devotion in a disciplined way. And also to give security in a disciplined way by forcing continuity in rules and in our behaviour. This is so easy to write here – but it also means that sometimes you’ re dead tired and take time for things you would not do after pure fun 😜. Because you realize that they are important for the other side.

My lady enjoys being forced. It’s really liberating for her to be able to enjoy things without having to think about how much she wants them – because otherwise she will be forced anyway. She lives the dream of the helpless slave, which has been existing since puberty. It should be noted again that all this only works because I am only happy when she is – and would not show any behaviour in which she is regularly dissatisfied.

This in turn leads to sub also “baking” her top. Which theoretically forces her into forms and is happy to see her come out of the form. But in the end he only does what makes the cake feel good, because otherwise it would taste bitter to everyone.

The end result is that we as a couple show a behaviour in which we do what we think is good for the other. We change in the process. Slip deeper into certain behaviors. Acquire new ones. And are highly harmonious 😊 .