At some point, we had simply overdone it. How we had gotten there was not entirely clear to me.
There were various partial aspects. One was that I was exhausted. In the second half of the year, it was just too crowded. In the anxiety about cash flow, I had brought in way too much work. There were also real under-recoveries from the first half of the year that had to be made up.
Furthermore, in the context of the Corona lockdown, the SM parties were missing. And so we went to many events. But somehow we did this like restless vampires, who feed on animal blood, can’t get enough and jump on the next animal. We needed parties where I could tie my lady to the ceiling and let people use her. What we had were nice weekends in pools of scene folks, bondage workshops (with safety distance, air filters, etc.) and other stuff. Lots of that.
I performed at work, performed to the kids, performed to my lady. But it became a lot. In the bondage workshops, I lost my nerve some of the time. I was asked to continue tying up my lady. But I didn’t want to do that at all. I also could have had tea after a couple of hours of workshops. Not exactly what the workshop leader was aiming for.
And things like that dragged on. You did so much that somehow you didn’t really do it anymore.
Timed to parallel the end of this phase was the bed mentioned in the previous article. My lady’s sub was at our house all the time. If the two built, I worked partly. If someone else was there I had less interest in talking to my lady. There was no couple time anyway. This in turn meant that we had even less couple time.
We came back from a tour one weekend. We had actually had a bondage workshop that weekend. In addition, we were asked if we didn’t want to spend a nice evening with some S&M’ers in a (closed) club in a major European city for a donation to the coffee fund. We did not miss that. Thus the weekend was filled but also once again to bursting.
When we came back, my lady was – felt – meowy. I locked her in the cage in the living room and discussed the issue with her. She started to cry spontaneously, she would miss me. I was only in front of her nose, but not there. We didn’t talk enough. I was so far away. And whether I had actually noticed how long she had not had any more orgasms. Etc.
Here began a turning point.
A phase followed in which we talked much more with each other. In which I valued talking to her more. In which I was more thorough in making sure she came regularly. And we talked even more. And even more.
Soon the next lockdown began and we had more time for ourselves. The lockdown almost forced one to take time for the children, the relationship and the work. It was good for work. It was good for the relationship, too. We had time for ourselves. Learned a lot by switching over 1-2 weeks (separate article). That went well.
Currently the lockdown is getting harder. The children are at home. We had to send some of the daycare home because one of the children was quarantined by the government. You just notice again that I have to take care of the separation between the children and us.Or rather, I have to support them (my lady does this more instinctively than I do; see again the topic “noticable end”). This is going to be an exciting time in a way that I’m starting to get tired of.
But it’s nice to see that our basics are working. There will be various breaks coming up in the near future to catch my breath. I’m looking forward to them…