Our way in the domestic discipline – or: about the duty of spanking your wife… (duck away)

Preamble

Properly socialized men don’t write what I wrote above as a headline.And properly socialized women only trust men who would not write such a headline.

I count myself among the properly socialized men. I count my lady as a properly socialized woman. At least we were three years ago, if I use the above as a benchmark.

There are men in social networks of the SM scene who post pictures of their ladies. The men are often over 50. The often considerably younger ladies find themselves chained in basements. Beaten. Hung up until they were “soft.” Usually “used”, sometimes to the point of unconsciousness of the ladies. The men often preach under the photos why they do the only right thing from their point of view. On the basis of the fact that the photos often extend over longer periods of time, it can be guessed that the ladies repeatedly appear with these gentlemen. Based on the photo series visible over periods of time, I assume that the women’s limits are slowly shifting. They become ” obedient “, as the men write. Based on the descriptions of the tops, I assume that unrestrained horniness is at play – especially with the ladies. And I also assume that this is the case precisely because of the treatment they receive there.

Our position on this three years ago

Fantasies of my lady and me were shaped by these pictures. Keyword primary “d.e.b.r.i.s.” / “DEBRIS”. But they were far away from what we thought was sensible/thinkable/healthy/…. reality.

My lady strongly assumed to want exactly something like that. She was afraid of automatically drifting into it in any S&M relationship – and completely denied herself for that very reason. She consistently went into an open marriage with a vanilla – and got the “play” externally. The open marriage was the safe harbor into which she returned after possibly heavy play weekends. The open marriage prevented at the same time, as an effective reasonable self-protection, that my lady gave herself up in SM.

I found the pictures interesting. But I couldn’t begin to imagine that scenarios like the ones described above could be a meaningful part of a healthy relationship. It didn’t even occur to me to include such aspects.

Our view – as you can imagine – has changed a lot.

Of mice and men

Let’s take again the picture that properly socialized subs only get together with properly socialized tops. In 90% of all cases, in my experience, this is what happens:

After stormy getting to know each other and many weekend meetings, the properly socialized subs moves in with the properly socialized top.

And then it goes to the rocks. Because the properly socialized top, being a good man, keeps his distance from oppressing the woman. And he knows, thanks to his rationality, that he would do that if he were constantly top. He would be violent. He waits dutifully until the woman feels like playing again – while the woman somehow has other problems. And is otherwise frustrated that the man doesn’t give his part of the relationship because he is no longer a top. The properly socialized top becomes a vanilla couple with the properly socialized sub in the long run – if all goes well. The resulting couple maybe times “plays”.

Problems on pair level: the top especially does not give his part of the partnership if he is not top. If it then comes to it that Sub tends to have less desire for sex/DS/SM etc., because she is simply not stimulated by the emerging vanilla constellation, it does not get better. If either has children or pets, the couples therapist has even more to do.

The sad rule, in my opinion, is that top and sub often wear themselves out on relationship problems because the sex they were having is no longer working the way they are having it now. The tops and subs break up, get together with others. In my environment, those couples who have been together for more than two years remain in the minority. The couples that have been together longer, or live stable cosequent SM, are in my experience 50 years…. or older.

Well, you dear properly socialized world. Now we’re getting to the point where there’s a knot that the 30-40 year old well socialized man and the associated well socialized woman can only untie if they jump over their shadows. And do things that disturb the well-socialized rest of the world.

All of a sudden, then, yes, it has its logic when a couple decides that after moving in together, top is top and sub is sub. But the couple still has everyday life. One slips out of the “roles”. Both sub, and top.

If then sub wants to stay sub, the top is suddenly in the duty to let his sub be sub, even if he has just the head full of work/children/tiredness.

From the duty of doing unspeakable things

And already we are at the apparent platitude of the duty for top to spank/use/lock up/etc. his sub. Even when he is not stimulated. We are at the apparent platitude that women “want it after all” and therefore you have to give it to them. We are at the unspeakable formulation that to spank one’s wife is in fact “caring”. That one ignores the needs of one’s wife and treats her badly if one does not use her roughly and demandingly.

Keep in mind that up to this point in the relationship, it’s only about men that the well-socialized women trusted before.

Uaaaah. The aspect of this text ending up as “16+” on the internet is challenging. Standing on their own, these sentences are in fact heavy.

And for that very reason, it’s exactly what I think many SM people have to deal with at some point.

You have to go through the necessary thought processes in a legally and morally correct way. You quickly get to topics like “at what point is it real violence?”. Where does violence begin and end in the relationship?What can I do psychologically with my wife without endangering her mental stability? According to what criteria may a woman even dare to allow a partner to do “that” permanently? To whom does a woman entrust herself in such a way that she allows herself to be flushed down the man’s gullet as a mouse with skin and hair, so to speak? Does the partner pull her also pleasurely at the tail his throat up again? Or does he change at some point in such a way that he swallows her right down, if he already has her in his throat?

In my experience, few couples follow through with this line of thought. Most of the “good” guys and girls shift down a few gears after a stormy relationship start time.

In my experience, most of the few tops and subs who have stably completed these lines of thought for themselves, and in doing so have jumped over the principles of their socialization, are over 50. I get this impression, for example, from the age structure I see at O parties.

On the other hand, the couples who dare to keep top top and sub sub, have a certain magic in them. It’s exactly the magic that Vanessa Smith describes so flowerily in “Progressive Domestic Discipline” that we didn’t take it seriously at first. The couple makes a contract that no one will take away from them so quickly.

Our world

Couples who can complete the above thought processes in such a way that they end up healthy for both of them have arrived in what I see as Domestic Discipline. The word “marry” takes on a different meaning here at the wedding.

I now see little difference from us as a couple to the gentlemen and ladies who play the violent games I mentioned at the beginning. My lady needs to be beaten to keep her obedient. However, she also likes herself considerably more when she is obedient. Yes, it has positive effects on the partnership when I alternate spanking and using my lady. My lady needs, gladly in bound condition – the cock unasked and firmly in the mouth. This is exactly what makes her soaking wet in a few seconds. My lady and I need it that I lock her away chained from time to time – so that she becomes more aware of her role. And she has many orgasms with all this.

I of course would never put photos of all this on the net. I have great respect for not leaving my lady intact during all this. I have so much respect for it that my lady constantly finds it a bit annoying. These are all things that make us as a couple massively different from the gentlemen mentioned above. I still want to be with my lady in 20 years 🙂 . As a properly socialized man, my limits had to be pushed over the years before I got there. “Head of Household” (HoH) and “Taken in Hand” (TiH) in the sense of “Domestic Discipline” we did not become overnight.

And my lady has definitely participated vigorously in pushing my limits. She didn’t really push along. But she kept holding out the road signs to me that showed the way. I “only” had to follow the rules. But in the process, some of the socialization went away.

Not that she actively begged for me to treat her harshly. But she was repeatedly – within days – displeased when I didn’t spank her. Grumpy. Bratty. Started thinking like a vanilla lady and was unhappy about it. If I hit her, it stopped. Then she was sweet again. (Uhhh, what a sentence). If she has been dry underneath, I quickly learned that slaps, violent punches and a firm use in the mouth were an effective remedy (I duck away). From such facts a certain behavior manifested itself with me. That’s what we do to the inside.

If I in turn regularly show this behavior, she grins so wonderfully when I kiss her neck in the kitchen while making breakfast. Or when I wish her bon appétit while she’s eating. The magic that comes from this is what defines us and is perceived from the outside. We are clearly a great working couple. Like out of the Domestic Discipline textbook. Virtually without power struggles. Efficiently working together. Balanced. Giving only good things to the children.

I, as a well-socialized man, slowly but surely pushed my limits under the guidance of my well-socialized lady. And it is an exciting journey 🙂 .

Postscript

I would like to add a few words on the subject of “children”. Even since they do not belong into this text. Or just because they don’t belong into it and I don’t want to be misunderstood precisely in this point.

In order not to steer couples, who find us interesting, on wrong tracks: guys and gals – the children belong in my above way of thinking into what externals see. I firmly assume that children would not sort the above described facts into the right pigeonholes. Children, in my opinion, will never be able to process consensus in the context of violence as such. At least until the point they start to understand sexuality, they will misunderstand 100% everything they perceive. Children belong on the fluffy “mom and dad love each other sooo much and I like the cake at home” side of what you can broadcast as a couple. That they are on that side of possible impressions is your holy job.

Progressive Domestic Discipline – now and then

There is a book. It’s called “Progressive Domestic Discipline” and it was written by Vanessa Smith.

My lady and I read it while traveling to SM parties in March 2019 (Use – Second try). Our opinion at the time: “factually quite interesting, but overall much too heavy handed”.

We felt at the time that the book was preachy. In the sense that the benefits of a Domestic-Discipline relationship were rolled out one-sided and extremely flowery. It was obvious that the author – according to our first impression – wanted to get the topic into the heads of her readers. And in the process, we found that she repeated herself, told the story far too flowery, and hardly allowed worlds besides her own.

We took impulses from the book. But we didn’t see it as a “bible” in the sense that it would be useful to apply directly.

Today I sit again with my lady in the living room. She sits in the cage. Feels protected. And reads with me from the book.

We are both stunned because we now find the content romantic. We feel the book today is a beautiful book, which is well written. At least according to the paragraphs she reads to me, perplexed – is there now what we think !!!?

I don’t know how the difference between the view then and the view now comes about. I suspect that with our experience today, we have a better approach to the subject. I suspect that many things seemed “too violent” to us then. Both in educational measures, as well as in their reasons, and in the benefits to be achieved. It clearly didn’t work that way.

However, the more experience we gain, the more likely we are to agree. In the meantime, we consider the rather strict, consequent methods to be the most effective. Precisely because this consequence also includes the consequence that the HoH has to take care of the mental health of his TiH. And of course the couple has the task that the children see nothing else than a loving couple.

Nowadays, when we see what we now do regularly and how we got there, Vanessa Smith’s descriptions suddenly seem logical and beautiful.

But I also suspect that each couple – or at least a part of each couple – has to work its way to this way of thinking.

I assume, for example, that men who can be responsibly trusted by women are the very ones who disagree with many passages at first.

I also assume that women, before they can entrust themselves to a man in this way, must first have worked out the necessary conviction for themselves.

From today’s point of view, I would recommend that newcomers to the subject buy the book and study it. Take the book as an inspiration. Derive things from it as a couple.
Out of all the things Ms. Smith writes, I would prioritize three in particular:

  • Notice that Ms. Smith writes over and over that a loving HoH takes care of his TiH.
  • Noted that the HoH cannot avoid exercising power in real terms. It’s not about doing what the TiH wants. Or simply pleasing his lady in sex games.
  • Talk to each other a lot. Walk the way together. The HoH needs to know that his TiH feels protected in the context of exercising power. In particular, he must be able to notice when this is no longer the case.

Take the above into consideration… and then let the things you both experience work on you.

Live, corona and everything, part IV

At some point, we had simply overdone it. How we had gotten there was not entirely clear to me.

There were various partial aspects. One was that I was exhausted. In the second half of the year, it was just too crowded. In the anxiety about cash flow, I had brought in way too much work. There were also real under-recoveries from the first half of the year that had to be made up.

Furthermore, in the context of the Corona lockdown, the SM parties were missing. And so we went to many events. But somehow we did this like restless vampires, who feed on animal blood, can’t get enough and jump on the next animal. We needed parties where I could tie my lady to the ceiling and let people use her. What we had were nice weekends in pools of scene folks, bondage workshops (with safety distance, air filters, etc.) and other stuff. Lots of that.

I performed at work, performed to the kids, performed to my lady. But it became a lot. In the bondage workshops, I lost my nerve some of the time. I was asked to continue tying up my lady. But I didn’t want to do that at all. I also could have had tea after a couple of hours of workshops. Not exactly what the workshop leader was aiming for.

And things like that dragged on. You did so much that somehow you didn’t really do it anymore.

Timed to parallel the end of this phase was the bed mentioned in the previous article. My lady’s sub was at our house all the time. If the two built, I worked partly. If someone else was there I had less interest in talking to my lady. There was no couple time anyway. This in turn meant that we had even less couple time.

We came back from a tour one weekend. We had actually had a bondage workshop that weekend. In addition, we were asked if we didn’t want to spend a nice evening with some S&M’ers in a (closed) club in a major European city for a donation to the coffee fund. We did not miss that. Thus the weekend was filled but also once again to bursting.

When we came back, my lady was – felt – meowy. I locked her in the cage in the living room and discussed the issue with her. She started to cry spontaneously, she would miss me. I was only in front of her nose, but not there. We didn’t talk enough. I was so far away. And whether I had actually noticed how long she had not had any more orgasms. Etc.

Here began a turning point.

A phase followed in which we talked much more with each other. In which I valued talking to her more. In which I was more thorough in making sure she came regularly. And we talked even more. And even more.

Soon the next lockdown began and we had more time for ourselves. The lockdown almost forced one to take time for the children, the relationship and the work. It was good for work. It was good for the relationship, too. We had time for ourselves. Learned a lot by switching over 1-2 weeks (separate article). That went well.

Currently the lockdown is getting harder. The children are at home. We had to send some of the daycare home because one of the children was quarantined by the government. You just notice again that I have to take care of the separation between the children and us.Or rather, I have to support them (my lady does this more instinctively than I do; see again the topic “noticable end”). This is going to be an exciting time in a way that I’m starting to get tired of.

But it’s nice to see that our basics are working. There will be various breaks coming up in the near future to catch my breath. I’m looking forward to them…

Live, corona end everything, part III

I often philosophized with my lady casually that it would be nice if I could just put her in a cage under our bed in the evenings.

Surprisingly, as with so many things I say, this had the effect that she decided to build one. She began sketches. She thought about using timber framing. She philosophized about how to design the cage door.We considered that the bed should be wide in tendency so that children could still fit next to us. It should perhaps offer ceiling bars so bondage could be done to it. Illumination would still be an issue…it should possibly be integrated.

She planned to use a 3 week vacation in the fall to get the bed semi-finished.

I was totally knackered at that phase. Between way too much work, the kids, and the relationship, I was watching to get stuff done. I maybe helped build the bed once in a while. Watched with interest. Liked it. But after three weeks, unfortunately, it ended up that actually only the wood was there. Purchased, sawed to fit, grinded, coated. But nothing more. It still had to be assembled. We suspected that this would be considerable work.

My lady’s sub was called in partly to help, partly he was happy to lend a hand. The two built. With highest accuracy. My tendency to use 80% solutions here and there was mostly ignored. I also did not want to impose myself in this matter. If I had done things myself as an 80% solution, I would not have really helped either. Rather I would have harmed, because it would have insulted the work and accuracy of the two also.

So that sub was with us regularly. I found it exhausting. But I could not throw him out. After all, he was helping with something that I could not complete in a timely manner. In the end, I would have had to do his work myself and I knew I couldn’t do that. And he did it better than I could have, too. This led to me working in the evenings while they were building. Went to bed late, hardly talked to each other. Tended to be tired.

In the end, there was the bed.

A building in our bedroom. Conspicuous already when walking through the hallway. Timber frame, without screws. Mostly plugged in with wooden dowels. Not creaking.

I already mentioned that I had a board for the head concerning some characteristics of my lady and that sub brought about a “thick end” towards the end of the year. Here again mentioned: my lady is no carpenter. She had never built a bed. But it stands there now.

As a construction, an element of our bedroom that makes it a hideaway for both of us. The bed is a work that you do not want to leave. And there is none on sight of hundreds of miles that I know of that comes close to being comparable. This is THE SM bed. And we know many locations from the inside 🙂 .

Of course, it also has a cage under the bed. Thanks to the framework, it is implemented so that the cage is not recognizable as such. Who is inside, does not come out. However, the children – thanks to the absence of bars and other features – lack the recognition of the pattern “cage”. They can tell a lot in kindergarten and school… A lot has to happen before an educator realizes what we are talking about.

We told the children that we didn’t want them to go on a wild goose chase down there, and that’s why there was a lockable door. The reasoning lasts a few years for now. The children also fit through the gaps. They go in and out down there. Prohibitively. But it is just a dark padded slightly hidden room. An ideal cave. The youngest of my lady has recently secretly gone to sleep there. Snuck in, covered up and kept his mouth shut. In no time, the little man slept a blissful sleep.

My lady has rarely slept in this cage so far. It was thrilling on both sides to put her in there. I knew she felt comfortable lying down alone, yet protected.

But I was lying alone. And so did she.

We rarely did that in retrospect.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

Live, corona and everything, part II

My lady now has a sub. She originally asked if she could have a bondage partner. This was during the time we had a rather empty house because of Corona.

My lady is great in bondage. Looking back, it was once again remarkably self-taught – but we know that about her. She had experienced bondage only as a passive during professional bondage lessons for me. And tied it down correctly virtually blindly after this. I didn’t notice that particularly. She had, after all, built bullwhips off the bat. And tinkered for children here and there works of art. All this autodidactics came to a noticable end at the end of the year.

But in the middle of the year it ended in the fact that I didn’t have enough fun with it in the long run. On the one hand, one must limitingly say that I like the handling of the ropes in principle – but not much more. We had a big difference there. On the other hand, however, I did not find it easy to remember every twist and knot. I used her partially as a encyclopedia when, for example, I didn’t know when putting on the 3-TK whether a rope had to be passed around at this or that point at the top or bottom. However, we both didn’t get into a good flow that way. It was better if she did it with someone else.

Our house was “empty” in a sense anyway via a Corona lockdown. We had the kids. But social contacts were lacking. Why not bring in S&M’ers? If anyone, it would be them. This thinking ended up in my lady, who could only work part-time, tying up her bondage partner in the living room, while I watched with headset to get Corona-conditioned contracts again. Or got me a coffee during phone calls and was happy that freshly used whips, canes etc. were lying around in the living room and we had SM life in the house.

The bondage partnership developed into a sub/dom relationship. As long as one can call this relationship. But “something” is there. You can call it whatever you want.

My lady is a nasty, mean, matter-of-fact sadist. Hums while tormenting. And looks amazing doing it.

Meanwhile, she regularly pursues her hobby of torturing her subbie. Partly at our house. Partly with him. Partly – due to corona – not at all.

How am I doing? Actually good. It is good and I always wanted her to have hobbies.

This is somehow not an answer to the question, how am I doing with it.

But it is an important partial effect. I saw my lady a bit skeptical about low social contact for a long time. I wanted her to bring in other inputs. She didn’t show much interest in social contact (another one of those points that ended up in that “noticable ending” at the end of the year). Wanted to be with me. I found the combination creepy. Found it desirable that she does something. Now she’s tormenting her subbie. Or enjoys an evening talking to him.

I hung restlessly on my cell phone the first night she wasn’t at our house. Watched her position report (which I can view). Didn’t fall asleep. Checked again to make sure she hadn’t left. Turned over in bed again. Looked again briefly at the cell phone. Well great.

I was not feeling very well. But I wanted it to happen. And there was no reason to refuse it. My dear lady is hyperloyal. And obedient. She only takes what I approve. So that was perfectly fine.

Over the weeks, I got used to it. And the guy is a good one. Brought us that “noticable end” at the end of the year. Nothing nasty. He just put things together with a high analytical talent, for which I had probably developed a kind of blindness.

Live, corona and everything, part I

We started this blog with the goal of telling you about our changes.

Some of them have happened. Quite positive ones. But you hardly get to celebrate your successes… because life currently feels like an express train with us.

Regarding our relationship, many things have remained constant. The children are getting older and more mature. The first child has been getting grades in school since the summer and is doing well. The group of 6 of our children is becoming a squad of stepbrothers who help each other. In this way, they get along more on their own. The older ones can print out coloring pictures for the younger ones. The younger ones don’t break as much anymore. The kids watch TV on their own on weekend mornings. That’s partly dumb. But the deal with them was “whoever wakes up in the morning doesn’t wake up other kids but gets to turn on the TV”. So on average they sleep longer at the weekend. But it has become a ritual with them, which they like. And we (now comes the important part) can stay peacefully in bed during that time. And recover from the week. There is more time to give love to the children. My lady still sleeps tied up beside me, she doesn’t know if I use her from the beginning of this helplessness in one of the three possible entrances or if she can’t defend herself against being beaten. I put out her clothes in the morning. She uses the formal form to me and mostly talks around it to the kids. She is a bit scared of me, at a level that is mutually acknowledged as helpful. I love her glow when I touch her indecently – she knows she better let me – and she is simply happy.

So far so good.

Still, life runs fast trains with us. At least I need sleep on the weekend. But at the latest around half past seven I get awake.

About Corona we are both now for months permanently at home. The children as well. Our landlady has quit, we have to find a new one as soon as possible.The first one we hired went back to her old employer. The second one we wanted to hire turned us down. Reason: she did not dare to take responsibility for 6 children.

My company is doing well. I now have two students as employees. I will probably be able to hire one of them permanently in a few months. In the second half of the year, the company had tremendous sales. Unfortunately, the work was probably objectively too much – it still has to be worked off in 2021 what was promised for 2020. As part of all my acquisitions, I at least managed to place the company as part of a government funded consortium – which will be a significant source of revenue for the company for 4 years. With which I can pay my employee, for example. Our house now has a gigabit connection. My lady, like me, has adaptive noise-canceling headphones. Two videoconferences while there are 6 kids in the house due to Corona? Works for me…

Unfortunately, a thousand reasons to spend money can also be found. The boys are simply eating the hair off our heads. When food is delivered for six children, a small truck comes. At the end of the week we have a lot of garbage, neatly sorted into plastic (for recycling), paper, glass, compost and rest. At least, thanks to waste separation, we can limit the latter item to about 80l per 2 weeks. The boys regularly need new clothes due to growth, dig holes in the lawn, destroy garden furniture. Borrow knives from the kitchen that come back broken. The expense items that go back to “goofing off” are really dwindling…. But are still there. I think underspends on such things are fluidly exchanged for overspends on food. On the side, one still has to pay money as divorce settlement for the ex. Lawyers still cost money. And we are managing to bring all that up…. It is also slowly getting better and better structure. But it’s a lot.

And so life goes on.

Couple relationship? It is going on. But I’ll take that in the following article.

Our view on the BDSM-based Domestic Discipline

We had an interesting, long discussion with friends yesterday. It lasted until deep after midnight.

The topic was on relationship models 😇. It is noticeable how far my lady and I are away from the social standard in the meantime – and with which vehemence certain ideas set with us.

We indeed firmly believe that equality in a relationship is exhausting 😲. For both sides.

For example, my lady was on vacation with her family. Someone had left a jam jar on the table. Those present seriously discussed who was going to clean it up. They were frustrated that it was still there. After an hour 😭. And continued to discuss.

We see couples seriously 😵 discussing the splitting of work on the many things in life (shopping, doctor’s appointments, hairdresser’s appointments, tidying up rooms, we don’t have any more garbage bags, we need new diapers in size M, …).

We experience that female parts of a relationship buy a dog and the ladies joke months later that there has actually been no sex with her husband since the dog arrived.

We still know discussions and frustration about which partner would have had more or less orgasms lately.

Who reads to the children? How to solve problem XYZ?

Our opinion / Our knowledge / Our faith

My lady and I firmly believe that in a relationship one person should take the lead.

We believe that this works great when the leading person is seriously interested in the optinion of the other part.

We believe that the leading person can actively incorporate the experience and skills of the other part and both will have more of it afterwards.

We believe that in a relationship, one person should have the “final say” and both have more of it.

We believe that taking responsibility by taking leadership leads to responsible behavior among responsible persons.

We believe that a passive person will not feel oppressed, but protected, happy and guided.

We believe that both parts of such a relationship should write a set of rules that they both take seriously.

We believe that such a set of rules should contain clear roll-maintaining elements that may well contain that the guided part is beaten as part of maintenance spanking or regularly “used” sexually.

We believe that this relationship concept results in two mentally and sexually balanced individuals, which releases a lot of positive energy where power struggles and imbalances have been before.

We believe that third parties, including children, perceive a loving, balanced, reliable, teamplaying couple that can move mountains.

Review

The above is a kind of creed of the Domestic Discipline 😀.

I know that these sentences frighten many people. From our experience it is also practical that most people first get to know us as a couple and naturally only get to know what happens in the background after getting to know us better. If it were the other way around, we would probably meet with fierce resistance.

An important prerequisite for the above to apply is the passive disposition of the “guided” part of such a relationship. Only in this way can the necessary real consensus emerge, from which both parties do the relationship.

But because of contents like the one above, I gave this website a “16” rating.

Related posts, which I wrote in the course of time, on the topic

Use III

Looking back on our history as a couple there was still the thought of having my sub used in the room in April . We had noticed that the circle of couples, who are able to go to “such” parties as a couple, ultimately sorts itsself to dear people. The thought of a scenario in which my lady is primarily “used” in a controlled environment – best for a longer period of time – didn’t let go.

She found a party.

Still a SM party, but this time with a considerable surplus of men. Expressly not presorted to have couples present. Instead, explicitly targeting the male surplus. The ladies had to appear relatively permissive. From the dress of O to nudity, all dresses were allowed. Ladies who not wanted to be used were allowed to come – but please keep the collor off. Dominant ladies had to stay outside.

This party was different from the beginning.

It started with the men and women being separated from each other at the beginning. This left the men among themselves in the main room. At the bar, on couches, etc. .

The organizers wanted the gentlemen to get to know each other in this time. But actually most of them just sat there relaxed and waited for the ladies to be shown.

There were many gentlemen. The average age was again relatively high. At least above ours. For the first time in years I had a little stress before an SM party. And heart palpitations. So many men? And what if my lady was now – from mixture of general attractiveness and low age – one of the most desired “targets”?

The organizer came in and opened. He explained the rules of the SSC to the men and presented with high conscientiousness how it would go among SM-people.

He explained to the gentlemen the function of the disinfectants standing around. He asked them to disinfect their hands after playing with a lady. Under no circumstances should they grab into one lady first and then into the next without disinfection (hope that Trump did this, too).

Uhoh. That had to be explained? SSC had to be explained?

The ladies were led in. All with hooded cloaks over their clothes. Some naked, some with corsets and skirts, some in O dress.

The ladies were placed in a circle, while the men watched from armchairs, couches, or a gallery. The organizer then went in a circle, opened the knots of the capes and gave them to the ladies in their hands. When all the knots were open, they dropped the capes at his request.

The ladies were then left standing for a while. They were asked to turn the front out so that they could be watched. They were led to their masters. These again let them kneel down, locked them in cages, etc. . Several times 5-10 women were led in this way, 4-5 times in a row.

It became very obvious that at least the couples present – and thus also their male parts – had much more experience than that one had to explain the basics of the SSC.

(Did I already mention that my lady suggested right at the beginning that one should rather agree on RACK than on SSC? -> we orientate ourselves on RACK)

When my lady unveiled her hooded cape, she was standing there beautifully. Youthful. Her gaze lowered. In the dress of O. With underbust corset. With a transparent cloth around her neck and over her breasts. Wrist cuffs secured with cable ties. Collar.

When she was brought to me, I removed the cloth over her breasts. I put a blindfold on her. I tied her hands and let her kneel on a pillow that was ready. While she was kneeling I watched from a gallery – together with other men – the unveiling of the other women.

Until then I had not exchanged words with anyone. Most of the other men were silent as well. To communicate finally with someone I shared a few thoughts on the gallery with a man of my age. I joked that I would be afraid of theoretically having a big choice tonight… but in practice I might not feel calm and would perhaps not really move away from my lady the whole evening.

He whispered back: “Yep. But in case of doubt it’s very easy: if it gets too hard, you take off her collar and place her on a couch.”

OK. The thought was worth keeping in mind…

The organizer asked all men to introduce his lady to other men. To show them around. To talk to each other.

I did, as requested, removed my lady’s blindfold, put on her collar, began to lead her.

After about 2 minutes I stopped that. The others didn’t actually go around either. They went quickly into the game.

So I fastened a chain to a ceiling hook next to armchairs and couches in the main room, fastened her hands above her head, blindfolded her, placed ear plugs.

The wolves already surrounded us.

An older gentleman in a tux asked if he could touch her. I affirmed – and it started. I watched the scene.

My lady was grabbed everywhere. At the breasts. Between the legs. The gentleman rubbed his limb – through the closed suit on her. His noises were such that I thought he had penetrated her. But the angle was not right. So he was obviously only strongly aroused.

I began to notice that the flowing O-dress would keep me from seeing what the gentlemen were doing exactly in my lady’s pubic area all evening. That was not ideal.

Likewise the underbust corset was pretty – but left the breasts free. They were sucked, they were kneaded, they were pinched. Was that what I wanted? And what about the two-year-old who wanted to drink from the breasts?

Soon afterwards the first one penetrated her. I had been only a few meters away at the bar and had got myself a drink – he had already penetrated when I was back. I pointed out in amazement that I hadn’t seen him put on a condom, if there was one on it? He withdrew briefly. I saw the condom. I smiled, said “attack”, he grinned and it went on.

There were many men in the course of the evening. I don’t know how many. My lady hung with her hands up on the ceiling hook and was allowed to feel how one after the other penetrated her. She simply couldn’t control anything. There were sometimes 2-3 men parallel to her. They left her head free despite the fact that I had not marked it for that.

In the course of the evening I took sometime disinfectant and cleaned the breasts. I noticed that it was important to fix the hands securely at the top – so nobody could loosen the hands to lead them into his intimate area. And because the hands were fixed at the top, the mouth was safe from someone coming up with the idea of leading it into his intimate area.

By the mechanically secure fixation of my lady also the situation was fixed in a controlled way. One could reach the pubic area and breasts. And that was all.

For me, the picture with the many men was slightly disturbing. But it was also clear to me that my lady was in the highest heaven. She knew that I was taking care of her. I also went to her several times and briefly stroked her face in a way that made it clear to her that this was me. The men respectfully went back for a moment in those moments or paused. My lady obviously always felt this to be a short safety time. Then it went on.

As feared, I did not get to look around for other ladies. I had also not the slightest desire on it. I simply had a more important task.

After about 1,5 – 2 hours I stopped the situation. The most important reason for me was that my tension level was too constantly high. Also from the mouth of my lady came words, which were rather stammered and quiet. I noticed that in one situation I couldn’t really define, if there had just been a “help”. This would have been against all party codes. “Mayday”, “red”, … would be what she would have had to say if she really wanted to stop. But the fact that she could barely talk was a little too much of a good thing.

It was actually enough. And who even said that her hands weren’t slowly numb? My lady had been hanging in her fixation for a really long time now. The hands had been cold for a while. That I could see under the dress of the O only limited whether the gentlemen really used condoms, had increased in the long run also my stress level.

The party was about fun… and it was time to end this 😷 .

I took her off, led her – still deaf and blind – in front of an armchair. Let her kneel. Got me a drink. Removed blindfold and earplugs. Let her put her head on my knees while I sat in the armchair. Slowly she returned to the real world.

My lady was happy. She was – from her point of view – “mine”. She had been “mine” because I had the power to make her available to others and to controlled the situation. She had had a dream fulfilled that she had had since her puberty.

The master I had spoken to at the beginning asked if he and his wife could sit down. I was happy. I joked that it would be great to end the evening the way it started.

We got into conversation with the couple. The gentlemen on the couch, the ladies kneeling on the floor 😘 . It was nice.

We have learned from the evening that we reached our borders. It was a beautiful evening. Once again we grew even closer together. But the previous “higher, faster, further”, which we had operated with regard to “third-party use”, can now be reconsidered.

In retrospect, it also got clear to me that my lady would first be given a spiral in her vagina before we visit such an event next time. It was reassuring how experienced most of the men were. With a mixture of social control and self-protection of the men, my lady was left in one piece. Nobody knocked her up. But with spiral the situation is simply more controlled than without.

On the way back from the party I realized that we now know the whole range of possible events in terms of the intensity of parties. And that now that the extremes are known, we should consciously reach into the middle of this range.

My lady had been very frustrated shortly before (two days) about how little time we have as a couple. After this party she shone again immediately. The special shine in hear face lasted for days.

Use – Second try

My lady found a party a few weeks ago that looked like we should visit it. It was this weekend. The organizers were planning a kind of swingers party that already had the word rape in its name – but then changed the concept towards a SM party.

It was about the ladies being used. There was a certain surplus of men, which remained however small. It was an SM party. There was a duty to give away the own lady.

When my lady suggested this to me, I was a little astonished. It was again clear to me that I would have problems passing on my lady. But it was also clear to me again that I wanted to do this.

Did she really want to go “there”? She wanted.

OK.

The party went over two evenings. The first evening focused on “getting together”, the second on “using”. My lady rented us an SM apartment near the location for the whole weekend.

First of all we were enthusiastic about the apartment. Of course we paid 120€/night for the apartment. But in contrast to the apartment at the beginning of December, this apartment did not only have empty refrigerators. There was coffee, apple spritzer, tea, water, biscuits. We could unpack our things and start a wellness weekend 😇 .

Most beautiful I found

  • the hook on the ceiling, which ended in a small motor crane
  • the bed under which there was a cage.

The latter was used a lot this weekend. I was lying in bed, my lady lying in a locked dungeon under me. From time to time I stroked her. She slept a lot. I slept a lot.

The party went differently than planned. Also this party tended to be “innocent”.

In detail:

  • There was again the pattern that the couples present were rather pre-sorted to function well as a couple.
  • There were very few couples present.
  • There were hardly any lone masters.

I packed my lady at the beginning. Wrist cuffs, secured with cable ties. Blindfold. Earplugs. Hands tied behind the back. A leash latched into the collar.

I went with her to the bar right after the opening of the party. I wanted to “trade” well. I wanted to get hold of a good play partner as well as a good play partner for my lady.

The reality:

  • The first lady I asked what I could do with her told me to ask her boyfriend. He, on the other hand, could not be found. When I found him, he told me that his lady was not being played with. Great.
  • With the second gentleman I spoke to, I was only apparently quick to agree on a deal. It turned out that he had it in mind that I had sex with his lady (in which I had no interest) and his lady played with mine (which was too risky for me because of her dislike of women). So it didn’t fit at all.
  • The third couple I came into contact with I suspected that the “female” was a transvestite. That slowed me down considerably. And proved to be correct afterwards. Somehow it was no fun.
  • The sub of the organizer was somehow too experienced to me. I didn’t want to play with her.
  • A few ladies were too old to me.

I know. One could summarize above with “Mimimimimi” 🙈 .

My lady was played quite continuously during that time. She remained blind and tied up for the next few hours. She bushed out from the first inexperienced lone master – from a situation in which she had actually gotten her hands fixed to a bar above her head. After that the hands were permanently secured with several carabiners. This worked.

She was worked on for hours in this and that way. More like beating, fingering, kneading. Nobody penetrated her.

The environment was rather family. People knew each other from the evening before. At the beginning I was continuously with her. Slowly but surely the control intervals increased. For the later part of the party I was chatting in the smoking room. My lady was worked on to the senselessness 🙃 .

It was a beautiful evening.

But in the end all participants were all normal people. In particular, they were people who were pre-sorted to a certain sense of responsibility by being able to have an S&M relationship that allowed them to appear there as a couple.

We noticed afterwards again that the party was too innocent for us.

Of course we asked ourselves where this would end? We asked ourselves, what kind of parties would suit us better?

These questions actually didn’t get serious answers until the Easter weekend.

Use – First try

This weekend we started an interesting attempt. We went to a party, which was organized relatively strict according to the principle “Maledom-Femsub”. There were rules for the subs. They were not allowed to speak without being asked, had to wear collars, did not use the couches, etc. . Their tendencies or what was allowed to other gentlemen were noted down in advance on special slips of paper. These were hung up.

It had to be expected that the gentlemen would “exchange” the woman among each other. The ladies had to expect that what was written on the notes would happen. All gentlemen had to expect that other gentlemen wanted to take the own lady with them after looking at the slips of paper.

I felt unsure. I did not want to share my lady. I found it rather “unhygienic” to share her for sexual intercourse.

I could not really imagine this. But: I wanted to do it. Just to get me and her used to it. Of course you have to say clearly that she was rather looking forward to it. I had to get used to it. I wanted to get used to it.

The evening went completely different 🙂 .

Let’s think again: what happens when about 30 couples consisting of Maledom and Femsub come to a party location? What do couples do who tend to be pre-sorted so that the men “take care” of their wives and the wives are compatible?

-> Mr A played with his sub a. Mr B with his b. Mr C with his c.

I expected to have to pay attention to whom I give my lady and with whom I can “exchange”. I got the situation to play with my lady while the gentlemen were playing around with theirs.

That was not thought to stay like that.

So I put the papers of my lady into her corset. I tied her tied hands to a chain above her. She had her eyes blindfolded. I organized someone who took care of her for a moment… and got me a beer (of course one with low alcohol content 🙈 ).

Then I sat down on a staircase nearby and waited.

What happened? Mr B continued to play with b. Mr C with c. Two friends passed by and stroked a little my lady. And went again. My lady hung around.

In retrospect it succeeded to break the pattern a little. I “changed” with someone who had a young Italian woman with her. I only noticed late that she did not understand what I told her in my language. But the situation was beautiful. The one who had the Italian in tow was working on my lady… who was tensed over a buck. At that time she was so enraptured that she hardly reacted to blows. I had to point out to the gentleman several times that she would feel something – and checked nevertheless a few times for safety’s sake whether she was at all conscious 🙃 .

So in retrospect there was a situation where we “swapped” the partners. But somehow I had imagined it differently beforehand.

I never thought I’d say that – but this party was very innocent. We noticed that it was rather too innocent for us as a couple. And browsed the party calendars for opportunities on the next child-free weekends…