Our way in the domestic discipline – or: about the duty of spanking your wife… (duck away)

Preamble

Properly socialized men don’t write what I wrote above as a headline.And properly socialized women only trust men who would not write such a headline.

I count myself among the properly socialized men. I count my lady as a properly socialized woman. At least we were three years ago, if I use the above as a benchmark.

There are men in social networks of the SM scene who post pictures of their ladies. The men are often over 50. The often considerably younger ladies find themselves chained in basements. Beaten. Hung up until they were “soft.” Usually “used”, sometimes to the point of unconsciousness of the ladies. The men often preach under the photos why they do the only right thing from their point of view. On the basis of the fact that the photos often extend over longer periods of time, it can be guessed that the ladies repeatedly appear with these gentlemen. Based on the photo series visible over periods of time, I assume that the women’s limits are slowly shifting. They become ” obedient “, as the men write. Based on the descriptions of the tops, I assume that unrestrained horniness is at play – especially with the ladies. And I also assume that this is the case precisely because of the treatment they receive there.

Our position on this three years ago

Fantasies of my lady and me were shaped by these pictures. Keyword primary “d.e.b.r.i.s.” / “DEBRIS”. But they were far away from what we thought was sensible/thinkable/healthy/…. reality.

My lady strongly assumed to want exactly something like that. She was afraid of automatically drifting into it in any S&M relationship – and completely denied herself for that very reason. She consistently went into an open marriage with a vanilla – and got the “play” externally. The open marriage was the safe harbor into which she returned after possibly heavy play weekends. The open marriage prevented at the same time, as an effective reasonable self-protection, that my lady gave herself up in SM.

I found the pictures interesting. But I couldn’t begin to imagine that scenarios like the ones described above could be a meaningful part of a healthy relationship. It didn’t even occur to me to include such aspects.

Our view – as you can imagine – has changed a lot.

Of mice and men

Let’s take again the picture that properly socialized subs only get together with properly socialized tops. In 90% of all cases, in my experience, this is what happens:

After stormy getting to know each other and many weekend meetings, the properly socialized subs moves in with the properly socialized top.

And then it goes to the rocks. Because the properly socialized top, being a good man, keeps his distance from oppressing the woman. And he knows, thanks to his rationality, that he would do that if he were constantly top. He would be violent. He waits dutifully until the woman feels like playing again – while the woman somehow has other problems. And is otherwise frustrated that the man doesn’t give his part of the relationship because he is no longer a top. The properly socialized top becomes a vanilla couple with the properly socialized sub in the long run – if all goes well. The resulting couple maybe times “plays”.

Problems on pair level: the top especially does not give his part of the partnership if he is not top. If it then comes to it that Sub tends to have less desire for sex/DS/SM etc., because she is simply not stimulated by the emerging vanilla constellation, it does not get better. If either has children or pets, the couples therapist has even more to do.

The sad rule, in my opinion, is that top and sub often wear themselves out on relationship problems because the sex they were having is no longer working the way they are having it now. The tops and subs break up, get together with others. In my environment, those couples who have been together for more than two years remain in the minority. The couples that have been together longer, or live stable cosequent SM, are in my experience 50 years…. or older.

Well, you dear properly socialized world. Now we’re getting to the point where there’s a knot that the 30-40 year old well socialized man and the associated well socialized woman can only untie if they jump over their shadows. And do things that disturb the well-socialized rest of the world.

All of a sudden, then, yes, it has its logic when a couple decides that after moving in together, top is top and sub is sub. But the couple still has everyday life. One slips out of the “roles”. Both sub, and top.

If then sub wants to stay sub, the top is suddenly in the duty to let his sub be sub, even if he has just the head full of work/children/tiredness.

From the duty of doing unspeakable things

And already we are at the apparent platitude of the duty for top to spank/use/lock up/etc. his sub. Even when he is not stimulated. We are at the apparent platitude that women “want it after all” and therefore you have to give it to them. We are at the unspeakable formulation that to spank one’s wife is in fact “caring”. That one ignores the needs of one’s wife and treats her badly if one does not use her roughly and demandingly.

Keep in mind that up to this point in the relationship, it’s only about men that the well-socialized women trusted before.

Uaaaah. The aspect of this text ending up as “16+” on the internet is challenging. Standing on their own, these sentences are in fact heavy.

And for that very reason, it’s exactly what I think many SM people have to deal with at some point.

You have to go through the necessary thought processes in a legally and morally correct way. You quickly get to topics like “at what point is it real violence?”. Where does violence begin and end in the relationship?What can I do psychologically with my wife without endangering her mental stability? According to what criteria may a woman even dare to allow a partner to do “that” permanently? To whom does a woman entrust herself in such a way that she allows herself to be flushed down the man’s gullet as a mouse with skin and hair, so to speak? Does the partner pull her also pleasurely at the tail his throat up again? Or does he change at some point in such a way that he swallows her right down, if he already has her in his throat?

In my experience, few couples follow through with this line of thought. Most of the “good” guys and girls shift down a few gears after a stormy relationship start time.

In my experience, most of the few tops and subs who have stably completed these lines of thought for themselves, and in doing so have jumped over the principles of their socialization, are over 50. I get this impression, for example, from the age structure I see at O parties.

On the other hand, the couples who dare to keep top top and sub sub, have a certain magic in them. It’s exactly the magic that Vanessa Smith describes so flowerily in “Progressive Domestic Discipline” that we didn’t take it seriously at first. The couple makes a contract that no one will take away from them so quickly.

Our world

Couples who can complete the above thought processes in such a way that they end up healthy for both of them have arrived in what I see as Domestic Discipline. The word “marry” takes on a different meaning here at the wedding.

I now see little difference from us as a couple to the gentlemen and ladies who play the violent games I mentioned at the beginning. My lady needs to be beaten to keep her obedient. However, she also likes herself considerably more when she is obedient. Yes, it has positive effects on the partnership when I alternate spanking and using my lady. My lady needs, gladly in bound condition – the cock unasked and firmly in the mouth. This is exactly what makes her soaking wet in a few seconds. My lady and I need it that I lock her away chained from time to time – so that she becomes more aware of her role. And she has many orgasms with all this.

I of course would never put photos of all this on the net. I have great respect for not leaving my lady intact during all this. I have so much respect for it that my lady constantly finds it a bit annoying. These are all things that make us as a couple massively different from the gentlemen mentioned above. I still want to be with my lady in 20 years 🙂 . As a properly socialized man, my limits had to be pushed over the years before I got there. “Head of Household” (HoH) and “Taken in Hand” (TiH) in the sense of “Domestic Discipline” we did not become overnight.

And my lady has definitely participated vigorously in pushing my limits. She didn’t really push along. But she kept holding out the road signs to me that showed the way. I “only” had to follow the rules. But in the process, some of the socialization went away.

Not that she actively begged for me to treat her harshly. But she was repeatedly – within days – displeased when I didn’t spank her. Grumpy. Bratty. Started thinking like a vanilla lady and was unhappy about it. If I hit her, it stopped. Then she was sweet again. (Uhhh, what a sentence). If she has been dry underneath, I quickly learned that slaps, violent punches and a firm use in the mouth were an effective remedy (I duck away). From such facts a certain behavior manifested itself with me. That’s what we do to the inside.

If I in turn regularly show this behavior, she grins so wonderfully when I kiss her neck in the kitchen while making breakfast. Or when I wish her bon appétit while she’s eating. The magic that comes from this is what defines us and is perceived from the outside. We are clearly a great working couple. Like out of the Domestic Discipline textbook. Virtually without power struggles. Efficiently working together. Balanced. Giving only good things to the children.

I, as a well-socialized man, slowly but surely pushed my limits under the guidance of my well-socialized lady. And it is an exciting journey 🙂 .

Postscript

I would like to add a few words on the subject of “children”. Even since they do not belong into this text. Or just because they don’t belong into it and I don’t want to be misunderstood precisely in this point.

In order not to steer couples, who find us interesting, on wrong tracks: guys and gals – the children belong in my above way of thinking into what externals see. I firmly assume that children would not sort the above described facts into the right pigeonholes. Children, in my opinion, will never be able to process consensus in the context of violence as such. At least until the point they start to understand sexuality, they will misunderstand 100% everything they perceive. Children belong on the fluffy “mom and dad love each other sooo much and I like the cake at home” side of what you can broadcast as a couple. That they are on that side of possible impressions is your holy job.

Use III

Looking back on our history as a couple there was still the thought of having my sub used in the room in April . We had noticed that the circle of couples, who are able to go to “such” parties as a couple, ultimately sorts itsself to dear people. The thought of a scenario in which my lady is primarily “used” in a controlled environment – best for a longer period of time – didn’t let go.

She found a party.

Still a SM party, but this time with a considerable surplus of men. Expressly not presorted to have couples present. Instead, explicitly targeting the male surplus. The ladies had to appear relatively permissive. From the dress of O to nudity, all dresses were allowed. Ladies who not wanted to be used were allowed to come – but please keep the collor off. Dominant ladies had to stay outside.

This party was different from the beginning.

It started with the men and women being separated from each other at the beginning. This left the men among themselves in the main room. At the bar, on couches, etc. .

The organizers wanted the gentlemen to get to know each other in this time. But actually most of them just sat there relaxed and waited for the ladies to be shown.

There were many gentlemen. The average age was again relatively high. At least above ours. For the first time in years I had a little stress before an SM party. And heart palpitations. So many men? And what if my lady was now – from mixture of general attractiveness and low age – one of the most desired “targets”?

The organizer came in and opened. He explained the rules of the SSC to the men and presented with high conscientiousness how it would go among SM-people.

He explained to the gentlemen the function of the disinfectants standing around. He asked them to disinfect their hands after playing with a lady. Under no circumstances should they grab into one lady first and then into the next without disinfection (hope that Trump did this, too).

Uhoh. That had to be explained? SSC had to be explained?

The ladies were led in. All with hooded cloaks over their clothes. Some naked, some with corsets and skirts, some in O dress.

The ladies were placed in a circle, while the men watched from armchairs, couches, or a gallery. The organizer then went in a circle, opened the knots of the capes and gave them to the ladies in their hands. When all the knots were open, they dropped the capes at his request.

The ladies were then left standing for a while. They were asked to turn the front out so that they could be watched. They were led to their masters. These again let them kneel down, locked them in cages, etc. . Several times 5-10 women were led in this way, 4-5 times in a row.

It became very obvious that at least the couples present – and thus also their male parts – had much more experience than that one had to explain the basics of the SSC.

(Did I already mention that my lady suggested right at the beginning that one should rather agree on RACK than on SSC? -> we orientate ourselves on RACK)

When my lady unveiled her hooded cape, she was standing there beautifully. Youthful. Her gaze lowered. In the dress of O. With underbust corset. With a transparent cloth around her neck and over her breasts. Wrist cuffs secured with cable ties. Collar.

When she was brought to me, I removed the cloth over her breasts. I put a blindfold on her. I tied her hands and let her kneel on a pillow that was ready. While she was kneeling I watched from a gallery – together with other men – the unveiling of the other women.

Until then I had not exchanged words with anyone. Most of the other men were silent as well. To communicate finally with someone I shared a few thoughts on the gallery with a man of my age. I joked that I would be afraid of theoretically having a big choice tonight… but in practice I might not feel calm and would perhaps not really move away from my lady the whole evening.

He whispered back: “Yep. But in case of doubt it’s very easy: if it gets too hard, you take off her collar and place her on a couch.”

OK. The thought was worth keeping in mind…

The organizer asked all men to introduce his lady to other men. To show them around. To talk to each other.

I did, as requested, removed my lady’s blindfold, put on her collar, began to lead her.

After about 2 minutes I stopped that. The others didn’t actually go around either. They went quickly into the game.

So I fastened a chain to a ceiling hook next to armchairs and couches in the main room, fastened her hands above her head, blindfolded her, placed ear plugs.

The wolves already surrounded us.

An older gentleman in a tux asked if he could touch her. I affirmed – and it started. I watched the scene.

My lady was grabbed everywhere. At the breasts. Between the legs. The gentleman rubbed his limb – through the closed suit on her. His noises were such that I thought he had penetrated her. But the angle was not right. So he was obviously only strongly aroused.

I began to notice that the flowing O-dress would keep me from seeing what the gentlemen were doing exactly in my lady’s pubic area all evening. That was not ideal.

Likewise the underbust corset was pretty – but left the breasts free. They were sucked, they were kneaded, they were pinched. Was that what I wanted? And what about the two-year-old who wanted to drink from the breasts?

Soon afterwards the first one penetrated her. I had been only a few meters away at the bar and had got myself a drink – he had already penetrated when I was back. I pointed out in amazement that I hadn’t seen him put on a condom, if there was one on it? He withdrew briefly. I saw the condom. I smiled, said “attack”, he grinned and it went on.

There were many men in the course of the evening. I don’t know how many. My lady hung with her hands up on the ceiling hook and was allowed to feel how one after the other penetrated her. She simply couldn’t control anything. There were sometimes 2-3 men parallel to her. They left her head free despite the fact that I had not marked it for that.

In the course of the evening I took sometime disinfectant and cleaned the breasts. I noticed that it was important to fix the hands securely at the top – so nobody could loosen the hands to lead them into his intimate area. And because the hands were fixed at the top, the mouth was safe from someone coming up with the idea of leading it into his intimate area.

By the mechanically secure fixation of my lady also the situation was fixed in a controlled way. One could reach the pubic area and breasts. And that was all.

For me, the picture with the many men was slightly disturbing. But it was also clear to me that my lady was in the highest heaven. She knew that I was taking care of her. I also went to her several times and briefly stroked her face in a way that made it clear to her that this was me. The men respectfully went back for a moment in those moments or paused. My lady obviously always felt this to be a short safety time. Then it went on.

As feared, I did not get to look around for other ladies. I had also not the slightest desire on it. I simply had a more important task.

After about 1,5 – 2 hours I stopped the situation. The most important reason for me was that my tension level was too constantly high. Also from the mouth of my lady came words, which were rather stammered and quiet. I noticed that in one situation I couldn’t really define, if there had just been a “help”. This would have been against all party codes. “Mayday”, “red”, … would be what she would have had to say if she really wanted to stop. But the fact that she could barely talk was a little too much of a good thing.

It was actually enough. And who even said that her hands weren’t slowly numb? My lady had been hanging in her fixation for a really long time now. The hands had been cold for a while. That I could see under the dress of the O only limited whether the gentlemen really used condoms, had increased in the long run also my stress level.

The party was about fun… and it was time to end this 😷 .

I took her off, led her – still deaf and blind – in front of an armchair. Let her kneel. Got me a drink. Removed blindfold and earplugs. Let her put her head on my knees while I sat in the armchair. Slowly she returned to the real world.

My lady was happy. She was – from her point of view – “mine”. She had been “mine” because I had the power to make her available to others and to controlled the situation. She had had a dream fulfilled that she had had since her puberty.

The master I had spoken to at the beginning asked if he and his wife could sit down. I was happy. I joked that it would be great to end the evening the way it started.

We got into conversation with the couple. The gentlemen on the couch, the ladies kneeling on the floor 😘 . It was nice.

We have learned from the evening that we reached our borders. It was a beautiful evening. Once again we grew even closer together. But the previous “higher, faster, further”, which we had operated with regard to “third-party use”, can now be reconsidered.

In retrospect, it also got clear to me that my lady would first be given a spiral in her vagina before we visit such an event next time. It was reassuring how experienced most of the men were. With a mixture of social control and self-protection of the men, my lady was left in one piece. Nobody knocked her up. But with spiral the situation is simply more controlled than without.

On the way back from the party I realized that we now know the whole range of possible events in terms of the intensity of parties. And that now that the extremes are known, we should consciously reach into the middle of this range.

My lady had been very frustrated shortly before (two days) about how little time we have as a couple. After this party she shone again immediately. The special shine in hear face lasted for days.

Use – Second try

My lady found a party a few weeks ago that looked like we should visit it. It was this weekend. The organizers were planning a kind of swingers party that already had the word rape in its name – but then changed the concept towards a SM party.

It was about the ladies being used. There was a certain surplus of men, which remained however small. It was an SM party. There was a duty to give away the own lady.

When my lady suggested this to me, I was a little astonished. It was again clear to me that I would have problems passing on my lady. But it was also clear to me again that I wanted to do this.

Did she really want to go “there”? She wanted.

OK.

The party went over two evenings. The first evening focused on “getting together”, the second on “using”. My lady rented us an SM apartment near the location for the whole weekend.

First of all we were enthusiastic about the apartment. Of course we paid 120€/night for the apartment. But in contrast to the apartment at the beginning of December, this apartment did not only have empty refrigerators. There was coffee, apple spritzer, tea, water, biscuits. We could unpack our things and start a wellness weekend 😇 .

Most beautiful I found

  • the hook on the ceiling, which ended in a small motor crane
  • the bed under which there was a cage.

The latter was used a lot this weekend. I was lying in bed, my lady lying in a locked dungeon under me. From time to time I stroked her. She slept a lot. I slept a lot.

The party went differently than planned. Also this party tended to be “innocent”.

In detail:

  • There was again the pattern that the couples present were rather pre-sorted to function well as a couple.
  • There were very few couples present.
  • There were hardly any lone masters.

I packed my lady at the beginning. Wrist cuffs, secured with cable ties. Blindfold. Earplugs. Hands tied behind the back. A leash latched into the collar.

I went with her to the bar right after the opening of the party. I wanted to “trade” well. I wanted to get hold of a good play partner as well as a good play partner for my lady.

The reality:

  • The first lady I asked what I could do with her told me to ask her boyfriend. He, on the other hand, could not be found. When I found him, he told me that his lady was not being played with. Great.
  • With the second gentleman I spoke to, I was only apparently quick to agree on a deal. It turned out that he had it in mind that I had sex with his lady (in which I had no interest) and his lady played with mine (which was too risky for me because of her dislike of women). So it didn’t fit at all.
  • The third couple I came into contact with I suspected that the “female” was a transvestite. That slowed me down considerably. And proved to be correct afterwards. Somehow it was no fun.
  • The sub of the organizer was somehow too experienced to me. I didn’t want to play with her.
  • A few ladies were too old to me.

I know. One could summarize above with “Mimimimimi” 🙈 .

My lady was played quite continuously during that time. She remained blind and tied up for the next few hours. She bushed out from the first inexperienced lone master – from a situation in which she had actually gotten her hands fixed to a bar above her head. After that the hands were permanently secured with several carabiners. This worked.

She was worked on for hours in this and that way. More like beating, fingering, kneading. Nobody penetrated her.

The environment was rather family. People knew each other from the evening before. At the beginning I was continuously with her. Slowly but surely the control intervals increased. For the later part of the party I was chatting in the smoking room. My lady was worked on to the senselessness 🙃 .

It was a beautiful evening.

But in the end all participants were all normal people. In particular, they were people who were pre-sorted to a certain sense of responsibility by being able to have an S&M relationship that allowed them to appear there as a couple.

We noticed afterwards again that the party was too innocent for us.

Of course we asked ourselves where this would end? We asked ourselves, what kind of parties would suit us better?

These questions actually didn’t get serious answers until the Easter weekend.